Movie Review - Ninja (2009)

In many movies, it seems to be the the realm of Caucasians that when confronted with another race or peoples, they become better than the best at being that culture.  T.H. Lawrence of Arabia in the titular role of the associated film is a good example, as well as Lt. John Dunbar (aka Dances with Wolves). The biggest offender was The Last Samurai, starring Tom Cruise.  The fact that the last samurai in the film was a White guy really teed off many Japanese upon its release in the land of the samurai, and deservedly so.  It's a good thing that a DVD that feels so much like "The Last Ninja" did not get great publicity.  So it is with the imaginatively titled action movie Ninja.

Casey (Scott Adkins) is an American man studying in Japan--not as a Japanese English Teacher (JET), but as a ninja. He has grown up in the Koga school since he was orphaned at eight years old.  Now a man, Casey is tasked by his Sensei (Togo Igawa) to protect the Yoroi Bitsu--a collection of Koga ninja artifacts from centuries past--from his disgraced rival-turned-assassin, Masazuka (Tsuyoshi Ihara).  Masazuka plans to take control of the Yoroi Bitsu to become Koga clan leader, but the sensei's daughter Namiko (Mika Hijii) has arranged for it to be moved halfway around the world to New York City.  With a guard consisting of Casey, Namiko and other ninjas, there's no way Masazuka will be able to get the Yoroi Bitsu...
...that is, unless he's called in some favors from his secret society friends at the Temple Corporation, run by Mr. Temple (Miles Anderson).  He's got Euro-goons and guns, so finding and capturing a couple of undercover ninjas in New York City should not be a problem.  At all.

It goes without saying that our American ninja (no Joe Armstrong here) is in a relationship with the Sensei's daughter.  Verily, the TV Tropes entry "Me Love You Long Time" is in full effect.  In a related tangent, I remember my friends in college coming up with an inverted scale of White guys and their Asian girlfriends.  I'll be honest: the lead actor Scott Adkins is a chiseled man who is ripped like a panther, which explains why the love interest is not as attractive. I wouldn't put a bag on her head or anything--not that bad.  Just not raging hot, like most Asian female love interests tend to be.  Remaining on the track previous, this movie has a lot of flaws.
Dumb cops acting on plot dictation, mild references to Star Wars (look for it), heavy dependance on uniformed street thugs and obvious ADR work are a sign that the filmmakers made the wise decision to go directly to DVD.

CHOICE CUTS:

• Ninjas using guns.  It shows you how far Masazuka has fallen away from the teachings of the Koga, that he now sports two semi-automatic pistols on his belt next to his shuriken.
• The ninja costumes. Masazuka's is nice, with all the modern bits like night-vision goggles and armor plating.  I guess Casey's borrowed ancient Koga costume is supposed to be better by comparison, by virtue of being an authentic ninja costume.  I disagree.
• She may not be pretty, but Namiko can sure fight...and take a punch.
• It seems all the thugs working for Temple are issued the same hoodie, oversize jacket and 6-o'clock shadow to wear for work.
• Masazuka shows his love for Japanese rope bondage by showing off his kinbaku/shibari skills on Namiko.
• The entire movie, I sat through constant mispronunciations of Namiko's name. I say Nah-MEEEEE-ko, you say NAH-mek-ko: just call the whole thing off and call her Miko for short.
• The blood may have been an obvious digital effect, but it conveyed the cheesiness of a visual director who wanted to make a serious anime movie but got stuck with a live action movie instead.
• FONT ALERT: Bonsai - in the credits, on top of the fake ninja drawings.
• Not one Negro in the picture. Wait, I take that back: there was a Black guy working for Temple and showed shock at Masazuka's cold murder of a hoodied henchman. 

This movie was written by Mike Hurst, who was also responsible for directing House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim...which explains why this movie sucks despite all of its good points.  I truly wish this movie was as good as Masazuka's costume and as clear as its title.

RATING: 3/10