Movie Review: The Darkest Hour (2011)

After visiting the brother and his family, a friend called me and wanted to know if I wanted to hit the movies.  I said yeah, and we went.  Not a lot of movies to interest me this holiday season, the least of which was the new sci-fi movie The Darkest Hour.  It looked interesting in its own way, what with the INVISIBLE ALIENS and people being disintegrated with electricity, but it had some negative outlooks by way of this medium -- the Internet.  We went to see it anyway, and I was nonplussed.

So, we're supposed to believe that four Americans -- Sean (Emile Hirsch), his buddy Ben (Max Minghella), Anne (Rachael Taylor), and her personal assistant Natalie (Olivia Thirlby) -- and a Swedish guy named "Skyler" (Joel Kinnaman) are going to coincidentally be in the same bar in Moscow at the same time when aliens land and attack for mineral resources?  My ass.  Moscow is HUGE -- I've never been and it's common knowledge that it is not a one-saloon town.  These people hold up in the bar's basement and come out after spending almost five days with each other.  When they come out they make their way to nowhere in particular, wandering about and getting into close scrapes with the alien menace.
In their wanderings, they learn that the aliens can see creatures due to natural bio-electricity, and cannot see through glass (because it's an insulator.)  The INVISIBLE ALIENS can also be detected by laying down electrical devices -- they killed all the electricity in the city, they are the only source of it and give it off like dead skin.  When the streetlights come on, you better be on the way home.  While still out, they meet up with other survivors like Vika (Veronika Ozerova) and her mad scientist friend Sergei (Dato Bakhtadze).  On another jaunt, they meet up with the heavily-armored Alien Fighters led by Yuri (Artur Smolyaninov), who are able to weaken an alien to the point where they can kill it with a rocket launcher from my favorite character BORIS.

HALLO MY NAME
BORIS
I SHOOT ROCKET

BORIS (played by Vladimir Jaglich) has no lines.  He just shoots rockets. And that's all that matters.

Along the way, supporting actors die and a way is found to escape the carnage of Moscow for equally ruined parts of Earth.  The movie ends on an obviously dead note, promising a retaliatory response in the form of "This is how it begins".  I would have enjoyed the movie a bit better if this was in the same vein as Night Watch and Day Watch -- sci-fi movies with an all-Russian cast to better make sense of the movie as a whole. 
Why attack Earth for mineral resources when there are probably plenty of mineral-rich asteroids floating in space that don't have people who can develop microwave cannons to disrupt your shielding and kill you with rockets?  Then again, why would aliens who are allergic to water come to conquer a planet that's 75% water (Signs) or fail to do the research about microorganisms (War of the Worlds - almost all versions)?  It comes down to a simple fact: we want to win when we would most certainly lose (see Battle: Los Angeles).  In that way, The Darkest Hour is the "feel-good movie of the year."

Movie Review - Cherry 2000 (1987)

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Video Game Review - Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master (1993 - Sega Genesis)

Ahh, ninjas. Ninjas are a grand breed of battler and nowhere is this more evident than in the world of video games. Why? Because someone overestimated their fighting skills a very long time ago, during the feudal eras of medieval Japan. With that placed, let's review the fourth installment of the Shinobi series, Shinobi III: Revenge of the Ninja Master.
Shinobi 3 is the fourth part in the saga because its predecessor, Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi, is truly the third installment. It's a much inferior game compared against Shinobi 3, due largely to the fact that you can be killed by getting shot IN THE FOOT. Well, at least you got a dog. Then again, I don't think you got any ninja magic. Oh yeah, and you can get shot in the foot and DIE. Needless to say, Shinobi 3 improves on all of that.

After the end of Shadow Dancer, it's implied that our ninja hero killed the crime lord Zeed. Like most good villains, Zeed didn't stay dead and reincarnated himself as a cyborg crime lord called Neo Zeed. He's got a bunch of people under his command in is quest to rule the world. Almost everyone is powerless in the face of Neo Zeed. Emphasis on almost.

Enter Joe Musashi, the hero in the Shinobi storyline. He's got plenty of improvements over his predecessors while retaining all of their good moves. Chief among those moves is his Diving Kick; a move so useful that you can fight a boss using this move alone and still not touch the ground for an obscene amount of time. Joe's a ninja you can like and well worth the time you play. The music is all goodness and light, a masterful use of whatever instrument was used to make it. And then there's the stages.

The stages are awesome. Many are generic, some are challenging, and many are just plain fun. Some stages require you to use a different mode of transportation. Hence, the second stage makes use of your ninja horse and its Diving Stomp. Yes, I did say NINJA HORSE. The fourth or fifth stage requires you to ride a jet-powered ninja surfboard. A little overboard, but it's necessary: the other choice was a ninja dolphin. I always catch myself uttering one of Tone Loc's lines from Surf Ninjas when I reach that stage: "Black men don't surf!"
When all is said and done, it's the final stage that makes you work for that win. Well, the win after you fight a boss that absolutely, positively wants you dead.

When it comes to the game as a whole, I believe it has a lot going for it. A much respected video game franchise, this time is one of the gems in Sega's crown. I have to say that this game doesn't get its rating, but deserves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

RATING: 8/10

Movie Review - Conan the Destroyer (1984)

When I think about the person I am today, I can definitely say that the world of the 1980s has shaped me a great deal. There was a bunch of good stuff on TV then, and you can find any of that stuff on the Internet on any old 80's webpage. What really sticks is the films of the day. I remember a lot of the movies that ushered me into being a big sci-fi and fantasy fan. I'll eventually end up naming them all at some point, but I want to focus on the fantasy films of the time that influenced me the most.
Many films fall into this number, but a choice few stick out as really good. Of this number, two of them star the Austrian bodybuilder-turned-actor Arnold Schwartzenegger.  One of the two is a sequel to the character movie that made him famous: Conan the Barbarian. The movie I speak of is Conan the Destroyer.

A lot of people think that Conan the Destroyer (callin' it "Conan 2") is crap and that it brings down the first movie, a grand work on its own. I have to disagree; this movie is the perfect spot for someone NOT familiar with the exploits of the Cimmerian to get acquainted INITIALLY. For those of the 'happily ever after' set, this was a believable hero on par with violent 80's hero Rambo. This was a vehicle in which Conan could be the 'good guy', be violent and do what good guys do: SAVE THE PRINCESS. With my previous sole knowledge of stories of heroes existing to save the princess, I was sold. After reading the last paragraph, I think it's time to give a brief synopsis of the movie Conan 2.

Conan and his thieving sidekick Malak (Tracy Walter) are captured at the grave of Valeria by soldiers of Queen Taramis (character actress Sarah Douglas). She hires the barbarian and his friend to escort one Princess Jehnna (a young Olivia d'Abo, in her first movie role) and her bodyguard Bombaata (basketball star Wilt Chamberlain) to find a jeweled horn for some kind of ritual. Upon mention of possible treasure, Conan agrees to take the job. On the way to find the jeweled horn, they meet the warrioress Zula (supermodel Grace Jones) and team up with the wizard Akiro (Japanese actor Mako) to make the job easier.
They'll fight many minions, wizards and insurmountable odds to reach their goal. Many in the party will level up from this mission, but will a prestige class be worth having to watch Arnold doing the grandest phallic flexes since Pumping Iron?
This movie introduced me to the concept of not having to be a knight to save a princess as well as not having to accept what anyone gives you, no matter how prestigious. This movie also taught me that princesses are ALWAYS naive and allowed me to form an opinion on women warriors before Red Sonja or Xena ever came around. This movie, a Dino de Laurentiis production, has not diminished with time; I still get goose bumps when they swim through the icy waters of the wizard's castle. It's a great movie that'll entertain even when the world laughs at the primitive special effects of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

...but that is another story...

Video Game Review - Crimson Tears (2004 - Sony Playstation2)

I am a big fan of the stuff that CAPCOM puts out. They have captured my attention since the days of Mega Man and Street Fighter 2010. I love their ideas and while I know that they only tolerate new ideas from the general poulace when making a new Mega Man villain, I'd still like to give them an idea or two. Here's my idea: make an action game in the vein of SEGA's Phantasy Star Online, but without the online part or the create-a-character part. It'd generally be a dungeon crawl, but without the crappiness of PK or online fees! It'd be brilliant!
Oh wait, they did that already? Crimson Tears? Never heard of it. Got to play it, and here's the review.

Set in futuristic cyberpunk Tokyo, three battle androids have escaped from a high-security facility because they stumbled on to some strange plot concocted by the evil corporation called ARMA. ARMA makes bio-weapons for the military, but something is amiss. The three rogue androids are out to put a stop to it, but they need to be stronger to do so. They set up camp in the city and traverse many levels to fight insane bosses to free not only themselves, but the entire city.
The three previously mentioned androids are Amber the ninja, Kadie the heavy blader and Tokio the gun master. Amber has dual melee weapon skills with swords and knives, but has poor hand-to-hand skills. Tokio can only use a few melee weapons, but he can use two guns at once a la Chow Yun-Fat. Despite Kadie's petite frame, she's the only one who can wield a buster sword. Their weapons, skills and combos can be upgraded to higher and higher levels and, in the case of weaponry, imbued with status effects or elemental effects. All of this is great and everything, but to give you just that would make the game far too easy to play. That's why the game designers decided to introduce the Heat Gauge.
The Heat Gauge measures how hot your android gets as it progresses through the game. When the gauge reaches maximum, the screen turns red and several things happen to your android. Your android can do max damage with every strike and runs twice as fast. While suffering from the status of being overheated(much different from the status effect "Overheat", which can be cured with "Overheat Cure" but not with "Coolant", which lowers your Heat Gauge and stops overheating), you take twice as much damage and your energy dwindles down to very little. If you're not careful, overheating can kill you. if you happen to survive a bout of overheating, your Heat Gauge will rest, but your HP meter will dwindle to 10% of max. It can be a bitch to keep your Heat Gauge down and your HP up and STILL have enough to deal with the enemies throughout the stages.

The enemies are where Crimson Tears really shines for me. I never thought that I would play a game where I'd fight not just ninjas and zombies, but zombie ninjas on top of that! Additionally, the enemies also level up along with you as the levels progress and eventually begin to use the same weapons you do. So, that scrubby soldier or robot you fought on stage 1 will be waiting for you on stage 4 and it'll have the strength to exact payback. And if you think that's tough, wait until you fight the Agent Smith-like "techno vampires" and the infamous "Mr. Black".
Bosses are strange and varied, and that's a good thing. From liquid ninjas to time-warping grim reapers, to the prerequisite evil characters with Biblical names [ex.: Abel and Eden] that are so common in Japanese sci-fi action, they all rock. That and they'll also mop the floor with you.
While quite entertaining when the enemy gets the drop on you, to the chore of getting every last item needed to create your ultimate weapon, Crimson Tears is not a game for the Madden and NBA Street set. Oddly, it CAN work for the Tekken set. Button-typing combos abound from this game, totally unrelated to the Konami game Crimson Sea or the Cliffhanger Comics title Crimson, but indirectly related to both Phantasy Star Online and the Ehrgeiz mini-game "The Forsaken Dungeon."


RATING: 8/10

Cordoba Chronicles IV: Chapter 6

Groaning in response to the creaking of his bed, Rashad stretched the covers off of his body and got ready for another day of working at the construction yard. The sun’s rays shone on the edges of the windowsill to his room at the Stonesthrow Inn as he threw on his clothes and headed down stairs to get some breakfast. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard a faint crying. He looked about the inn lobby and saw that it came from the shadowed tables on the opposite end. Rashad looked around to see if anyone else heard it. Most of the other people in the inn were wrapped up in breaking their fast, so he went over to the tables.

Rashad found a familiar figure sitting with her back to him. It’s Inia, Rashad thought with a smile. He heard the crying coming from her and asked, “Hey, miss. What’s wrong?”

Inia turned around and Rashad almost jumped back at what he saw. Inia was a deathly pallor, the tan skin replaced by a pale olive shade. Her body looked as though she suffered from some sickness, because her body looked askew beneath her clothes. Even her eyes, a bright and fierce gray-green, were reduced to an icy green and underlined by rings of fatigue. “Hey, Rashad,” the young woman’s voice rasped in greeting.

Rashad looked at her a bit longer and said, “Inia? Is that you?” As he reached out, he said, “What happened?”

She suddenly recoiled from his hand, as if it were a snake. “P-please, don’t touch me…”

Surprised by the request, Rashad acceded and sat down near her. “Alright, I won’t. What happened, though?”

“Last night…” Inia began, “Auntie got mad at me. She hit me because I liked you, Rashad. I don’t know why she did, but she was real mad. Kept callin’ you a male and all that. Then Auntie said that she’d never let me see you or any other man ever again.” Tears rolled down the young woman’s face as she continued, “I’ve seen Auntie mad before, but not this mad…”

Rashad hated to see a girl cry, so he hopped up and said, “Hold on; I’ll go get my handkerchief…”

Inia waved him away, saying, “It’s alright. I just wish she would stop being so close-minded about you and all the men in town…”

“Forget her.” Rashad had a defiant look on his face when he said,” She’s just a shriveled old maid who spent so much time in her books, she forgot how to live. I hope she doesn’t expect you to live your life the way she does.”

Inia shushed him as fast as she could and said through clenched teeth, “They’re listening.”

“Who?”

“Them. The black-hoods. They’re everywhere and know everything.”

Rashad shrugged and said, “What’s your point?”

The young woman leaned closer and said, “Auntie owns them. She owns this whole town.”

“One more reason to not pay them any mind. They’re shady cops who work for the interests of one person.” Crossing his arms, Rashad said, “Trust me, I know authority figures. Best thing to do is cheer yourself up and go out with me on a date to watch the stars after work.”

She offered a small smile and said, “Nice try, but I don’t want to—“

“You gonna let your auntie do your thinking forever, Inia?”

She stared at him with a strange look of shock. This guy just made fun of her AND he had the audacity to ask her out in the same sitting. Inia thought about it a moment more and realized Rashad has gone a lot farther then any other guy has. So she gave him the benefit of the doubt and said, “Fine.”

Praying to Toren for things really does work, Rashad thought. “Great! I’ll pick you up from Egress Bar tonight—“

“I don’t work there anymore.” Inia cut in. “Given her state, she’d kill me for real if she found out where I really worked, so I don’t want to give her any other reasons to do so.”

“Fine,” Rashad sighed. “I’ll meet you at the construction site tonight.”

A smile spread over Inia’s face as she said, “Alright.” Then, “Wait: the construction site? Why?”

“Just be there, miss,” he said as he walked out the door.

The smile on Inia’s face brought a flush to her cheeks and a curious hope: what could Rashad be all about?

.....................................................................

“Date?” Wyle said through bandanna-turned-mask.

“Yeah,” Rashad shot back through his own scarf. The workers had covered their mouths to make sure they didn’t breathe in harmful dust from the heavy-duty work being performed at the Karmor’s Bend Town Hall building. The shipment of slate had just come across the Dumas River from the northern Svetarra Mountains in the east. The slate was cut to order by miners at the quarry site, transported by wagon to Karmor’s Bend and further manipulated to suit the needs of the construction crew. This particular shipment of slate was cut into thick ring shapes and standard bricks. 

Many of the workers, like Rashad, Wyle and Cyan, unloaded the bricks and set them aside for the future walls of the town hall. The stone rings, cut especially for the creation of columns, were too heavy to be handled by any normal humanoid. So Jollum called in the only abnormal person on his crew he could find.

“AWRIGHT” came the cry across the work site. Barcrab was digging holes for the wall supports when the wagons rolled up, and he dropped the earth where he was standing. Rushing over to the wagon, he reached over and grabbed a stone ring, carrying it as if it were no heavier than a laundry basket. He grabbed another in his claws, proceeded to the back of the lot and placed them with the other pieces of slate.

“Yo, who’s the girl?” Wyle asked over the commotion.

“Like you’ve gotta ask. It’s Inia, man.”

Wyle’s eyes widened over his bandanna as he said, “What in Hells? Are you crazy?”

“Do I look like someone’s who’s crazy?” Rashad asked.

“No,” Wyle said, “but you look like someone who doesn’t want to keep their job! If the Benefactor finds out that you’re messin’ with her niece, you’ll be out of a job!”

Rashad hefted a slate brick and said, “Like I care what that woman thinks. Plus, she probably already thinks that I am messin’ with Inia.”

Wyle’s eyes got as big as saucers as he stared at Rashad walk to the back and put his block down. The new guy doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into, the carpenter thought. Rashad came back and continued, “Man I was over at Blackheart Estates walkin’ Inia home last night and she wants me to meet the damned Benefactor. I go in, we’re relaxing and her aunt—the Benefactor—shows up like some kind of lurking shadow.

“She’s in my face about who I am and what I used to do—I used to be an adventurer,” Rashad slides in as Wyle grabbed another slate brick and walked to the slate deposit. Wyle comes back and Rashad continues, “So I used to be an adventurer and she tells me I’m not. Old bag’s yellin’ at me about ‘I need to show her proof’, so I show her this and she shuts up quicker than a shame plant. I wasn’t gonna put up with that another minute. Inia was home, so I left."

“Wow, new guy,” Wyle said. “So, you beat the Benefactor in an argument without getting fired on the spot AND you’re dating her niece. Sounds like you’re a liar on top of being insane to me.”

Rashad pulled another brick from the wagon and said, “I’m not lying! I went to Blackheart Estates and had an argument with the Benefactor. On top of that, she—

“The Hells is going on over there guys? Rashad? Wyle?” Jollum stood outside his foreman tent and shouted ”If you’re going to talk, talk AND work or talk on your break! How hard is that?”

“Yeah, twerp,” Cyan punctuated by a slap in the back of Rashad’s head, “get to work already.”

“I’m really beginning to hate that guy,” Rashad said. “What’s his deal anyway?”

“He’s just riding you, remember?” Wyle said. “Anyway, we’ve got to unload this cart before the day is out.”

“Right,” Rashad said and grabbed a brick. He headed to the slate deposit and placed his brick down. He looked about and marveled at the amount of stone, thinking how much work must’ve gone into cutting and mining from the rock quarry. He was lost in thought when a thunderous crash shook him from his musings. He looked over and saw that he was near a support post for the town hall, on which Barcrab was putting the stone rings.

Thirty feet in the air on strong scaffolding, the Enigman Barcrab took the other stone ring and placed it over the support post. With gravity taking over, the huge piece of slate dropped down and crashed against the proceeding ring. Barcrab looked down to see Rashad and waved a big red claw in greeting. The Enigman yelled down to him, “ARE THEY STRAIGHT?”

Quickly glancing at the short stack, Rashad shouted, “Yes they are straight!”

“GOOD. I’M COMING TO GET MORE,” the Enigman bellowed. Rashad watched as the Enigman tromped down the service ramps from the aspiring roof to the ground floor. The Enigman strode over, red carapace gleaming in the sun and his eyestalks waving ever so slightly in pleasure. He picked up two more slate rings and said, “THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WORK I DO; HEAVY-DUTY WORK. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT THIS JOB, RASHAD?”

“Oh, uh…” Rashad was very busy thinking of how he could make the date work tonight and was seriously considering the roof as the place when he said, “…the fringe benefits.”

Movie Review - The Malay Chronicles: Bloodlines or Clash of Empires: The Battle for Asia (2011)

I rented this movie, Clash of Empires: The Battle for Asia, because the cover looked so cheesy.  It brought me back to the old days when I reviewed movies on the previous Gedren's Peak website just because they were bad--movies like Bog and Robot Ninja.  This movie went and pulled the wool over my eyes, because this is a great movie despite technical failings.

The story reads as an account in the Kedah Annals ( I had to look that up on Wikipedia) by a Malay king of his far-removed ancestor, Merong Mahawanga (indeterminate South Asian actor Stephen Rahmen Hughes), descendant of Alexander the Great, future founder of the Malay Dynasty and future ruler of Langasuka.  The story speaks of his earlier vagabond life and how he came to prominence by helping out a foreign prince from a faraway empire of the world--the Roman Empire.
Prince Marcus Carpenius (Gavin Stenhouse) of Rome is to be wed to Princess Meng Li Hua (Chinese actress and model Jing Lusi) of the Empire of China in the days of the Han Dynasty, placing the events around 120 AD/CE.  The meeting place between the two empires is a well-known trading place and not ruled by any king.  It is populated by several indigenous tribes, one of which has taken to piracy called the Garuda.
The barbarian Garuda--known for murdering every man, woman and child in a village under plunder--are led by the shaman Taji (W. Hanafi W. Su) and his successor, the wily Kamawas (Khir Rahman). They have decided to kidnap the Chinese princess and her clever handmaiden Ying Ying (Nell Ng) and ransom the princess for 1000 taels of gold and sovereignty.  In the ensuing battle, the Roman prince is lost and our main character Merong fights on despite his wounds causing him to faint.  It is Merong's that triggers the meeting with his teacher Kesum the guru (Rahim Razali) and his future wife Embok (Ummi Nazeera).

But I am getting ahead of myself...

Video Game Review - Streets of Rage (1991 - Sega Genesis)

And now, I recite the lyrics to the old TV cop show "Car 54, Where Are You?" as an opening to my review of the Genesis game, Streets of Rage:

There's a holdup in the Bronx,

Brooklyn's broken out in fights,

There's a traffic jam in Harlem

That's backed up to Jackson Heights.

There's a Scout troop short a child,

Khrushchev's due at Idlewyld--

CAR 54, WHERE AAAARE YOUUUUU?

Car 54 is providing backup to the only 3 cops who give a damn about their city, with the best firepower available to the local police force. More on them later. Let's focus on why the city is in the grip of terror...and the three brave souls determined to save it.
Mr. X, a crime lord of unparalleled aims, is taking over the city. He's flooding it with drugs, thugs and psychos. It's not safe in the daytime, and you'd be insane to leave your home at night for any reason. The police are doing something about it: taking bribes from Mr. X to look the other way. A few cops are fighting back, but many of them are fired or killed in the line of duty before they can go into action. Three cops decide to play by Mr. X's rules and take it to the streets!

The three people who fight a private war against Mr. X are:

• Adam, a former boxer who is leading our trio
• Axel, a brash young police recruit that treats every battle like a video game
• Blaze, a female martial artist that doesn't take no for an answer

Each of these cops has pledged to fight Mr. X anywhere and everywhere he holds sway until his army of hoods and killers are off the streets. The three realize they ARE up against an army, so they have backup units. When summoned on the walkie talkie, the police cars pull up and fire either a bazooka or a gatling napalm in the general area, injuring many enemies. They have a limited amount of rounds, so our heroes call them only in times of dire need.
The army of Mr. X is legion, with some members more outstanding than others. With boomerangs, clawed gloves, super-strength, martial arts and the ability to breathe fire at their call, our heroes have their work cut out for them. Despite these forbidding opponents, the trio fight their way into Mr. X's penthouse suite and confront him. At one point, Mr. X tries to turn the cops against each other with the promise of riches and prestige. The act was all for naught, because the heroes want only one thing: to get JUSTICE for their city or die trying. Mr. X is more than happy to oblige them as his goons rush the heroes as Mr. X fires at them with his machine gun.

The battle was deadly and raged into the dawn. The sun rose just as Mr. X fell and surrendered. Justice was served and the streets of the city were free for its people. Adam, Axel and Blaze were commended and smiled great smiles as the sun beat down on their shoulders, relieved of the burden that were...the STREETS OF RAGE!

Our heroes (l-r, Blaze, Axel and Adam.) look out
over their city in "GOOD END."

Streets of Rage (titled Bare Knuckle in Japan) was basically a modernized version of a favorite game of mine, Golden Axe II. The characters in Streets compared to Golden Axe had similar traits, such as the case of the female character Blaze and her ancient counterpart Tyris-Flare. Both wore red, had excellent control of their movements and wore next to nothing. Axel and Axe-Battler had somewhat less in common; both wore blue, had the word "AXE" in their name and were musclebound lunkheads, yet Axel proved to be more useful than his earlier incarnation. Adam and Gilius Thunderhead, on the other hand, were not that similar. Both were wise, had powerful moves and a good reach, yet Adam was a 6-foot tall Negroid in a yellow tank top and that contrasted visually with Gilius' Dwarven stature and green clothing. The magic aspect of Golden Axe was replaced by the weapon-bearing police cars. But with all of these slight changes, one thing stayed the same between these two games: they were both extremely therapeutic.

The whole game was based on beating the ever-lovin' crap outta the bad guys. When you beat one up, there was another waiting, or more than one would challenge you. Once you got done with them, there was a stage boss to defeat. After 7 stages, the eighth and final stage forced you to fight every boss you already fought once again in order to reach the final boss. I always expect him to be hard as shit, and he never fails to disappoint. If I didn't beat it, I'd vow to fight the forces of evil much later--and win. When I did beat a game like this, I'd breathe a sigh of relief and revel in the credits and the feeling of a job well done.

This game's good, yet it could be better.  And that's why its sequel blows it out of the water.

RATING: 7/10

Movie Review - Lost in Space (1998)

When I was younger, I favored The A-Team, Airwolf and Knight Rider over most of the shows of yesteryear. I gave some concessions to old comedies, and approached old sci-fi with an open mind. That's how I became a closet Trekkie/Trekker. While I did enjoy The Outer Limits and Wild Wild West, one sci-fi show never caught my attention: the Irwin Allen TV show Lost in Space.
I know the story of the show: a family of astronauts in the future of 1997(!) took a trip to space to do something and they got lost with a weirdo in their backseat. Oh, and the little boy in the show has a robot. They meet aliens and whatnot, and have a general family existence while being... LOST IN SPACE. Perhaps it was the corny robot talking about DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER all the time and the generally boring stories that filled the scripts of the show, but without Dr Smith's alliterations the show "Lost in Space" would have been extremely unbearable. Thanks to such a villain, the memory of the show lasted well into the 1990s and remained favorable enough to allow a movie to be made about it.

The movie starts out pretty much the like the show. The difference is that they take a great deal of time and energy talking about each character and their flaws. Such an effort pays off for the plot, which depends heavily on these character elements. With the new translation of the Robinson family journey comes a new interpretation of the characters and new actors to play them.
Our patriarch is Prof. John Robinson (William Hurt). He's a man with a need to see the world at peace, yet he cannot escape his warrior father's shadow. The professor has tried to stay away from war his entire life and retreats to science for solace. He finds that the world is polluted beyond repair in humanity's lifetime, so he sets his sights on a pristine planet for colonization: Alpha One. To get there would take 10 years in cryo-stasis, so he devises a plan to make that trip shorter for future colonists by making a "hypergate"--a device that works like a space wormhole--on both Alpha One and Earth that would bridge the time gap. Prof. Robinson has to get to Alpha One  before this can happen and he needs a crew to get there in the experimental Jupiter 2 spacecraft.

Enter the professor's wife, Dr. Maureen Robinson (Mimi Rogers) as the ship's doctor, his single-minded grown daughter Judy (Heather Graham) as the science officer and fighter pilot Maj. Don West (Matt LeBlanc) as the ship's pilot. The professor decides that it's not best to leave the children behind, so he brings troublesome young Penny (Lacey Chabert) and little genius Will Robinson (Jack Johnson). The more people that get on this ship, the more it begins to look like a family outing instead of a scientific mission. All that changes as an unknown entity gets aboard the Jupiter 2 undetected.
Said entity is Dr. Zachary Smith(the wonderful Gary Oldman), an agent for the global seditionist group that is at war with the current government. His mission is to turn the onboard robot into a killing machine to wipe out the Robinson family. He doesn't get very far and has to help the Robinsons and the Major stop the robot. By the time they do that, the ship's already off course and headed for the sun. The Jupiter 2 can't escape the sun's gravity and the only way to get away is to go through the sun--via the onboard hyperdrive. There's no way to navigate in hyperdrive, so they take the chance.

That's when the movie begins to get interesting.
The scenes and sets up until this point have been great, but from here on out it's absolutely amazing. Against the backgrounds there's action, adventure, science and mystery. At the end of the entire story, there's a lesson to be learned and more adventures to experience as the credits roll. It leaves you wanting more than what's given. For me it goes beyond the movie's contents because this movie is yet another glimpse into the future that will never exist.
A sad thing these movie futures; so grand in their scope while so alluring in their promise of prosperity. Yet I know that the movie was a work of fiction beyond any shadow of a doubt, because the government actually listened to--and backed!--a scientist with a halfway decent idea that didn't involve killing another person.

If this movie took out Titanic at the box office, then it's worth seeing.

Video Game Review - Street Fighter III: Third Strike (1999 - Sega Dreamcast)

This game holds a special merit in my life, due to the fact that they got a fighting game right on the money. Let's start with it's name of Street Fighter III: Third Strike.
Street Fighter III: Third Strike is nothing more than an attempt by CAPCOM to wring out another buck of its top man-whore, the wandering brawler Ryu. From the first Street Fighter to all of the modifications made on its sequel and passed off as brand new games, to the Street Fighter Alpha prequels that beat out the Star Wars prequel trilogy by 5 years, and through the psychotic Marvel branch-offs, Ryu has seen it all and has changed very little. Unfortunately, neither have his enemies. Same ol' Bison and Vega, Barlog and arch-nemesis Sagat. The stage music hasn't changed much and is even harped upon in other games. That all began to change with the original sequel to Street Fighter II, sequentially titled Street Fighter III.

The original Street Fighter III brought over the usual suspects of Ken and Ryu, but with better animations, new characters altogether, new stages and a new art style. There was a catch to all this cool stuff: you only had the choice of ONE Super-Art (the Super Attack from previous games) out of 3 to choose from. That made it hard to trip up your enemy, but they made the Super-Arts work at different levels on the Super Meter so that one Super-Art can be used 3 times with good damage, while a Super-Art that uses up the entire bar will cause massive amounts of damage. There are moves that I wanna talk about, but only within the context of Third Strike, because those same moves can be found in Street Fighter III and its sequel, Street Fighter III: Second Impact.

Third Strike, the third "sequel" to the third sequel in the Street Fighter> series (read that last sentence back and you'll understand how ludicrous that is to everyone else, but not to CAPCOM execs) brings back some characters from the Street Fighter III series, adding new ones and one revamped old-school character. The formula would seem to say, despite its features, that this is nothing but an old retread of the other Street Fighter III games. That's where Third Strike changes it up with a very significant change to the music.

CAPCOM went straight hip-hop.
It was a shock when I played the game and heard hip-hop beats blaring as I beat my opponents and  in the menus. It also allowed me to get deeper into the game than I ever wanted to. There are several instances where Street Fighter gets me and keeps me playing. Example of that are:

• Ken getting 4 hits for his Flaming Dragon Punch (Street Fighter II: The New Warriors)
• Ryu and Ken both fighting an insanely hard Bison--together (Street Fighter Alpha: Warrior's Dreams)
• Fighting Shin Akuma at Ayers Rock, Australia (Street Fighter Alpha 2)
• Ken's gets an Air Hadoken (X-Men vs. Street Fighter)
• The VISUAL strike effects (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The introduction of Captain Commando with the other 3 members of his squad as backup (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The option of using 2 characters (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The option of using 3 characters (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• Three characters combining their Super Attacks together (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• Star Gladiator's Hayato introduced as a 2D character (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• The introduction of Sean and Elena, two dark-skinned characters of African ancestry that don't suck, are evil or boxers (Street Fighter III: New Generation)
• Street Fighter III: Third Strike. The whole thing.

It took me long enough to say, but this game is awesome. The music is so great and makes you wanna go. The characters are good, especially new additions like Makoto (a karate mistress with exceptional power and spirit), Remy (a Goth version of Guile & Charlie), Hugo (a refugee of the Mad Gear gang from Final Fight) and Q (aka "the Unknown", neither man or machine). The most significant addition to the Street Fighter III character lineup was the re-introduction of the first female character in Street Fighter, Chun-Li Zhang.

She's dropped her Street Fighter Alpha tracksuit (so sad...T_T) and is back in her traditional costume. Her fighting style still has the high jumps and quick kicks, but shows a bit more grace in its animations. Chun-Li's Spinning Bird Kick has been changed so it doesn't look like she's doing a HEADspring and then spinning, but using a spinning momentum to get off the ground; so fluid it makes me happy to see it. She doesn't have a Kikosho, but her other supers are mean. Even her win poses are smooth, living things: Miss Zhang bows upon entering and the "V for victory" win pose is changed from static female-looking sprite pointing fingers upward to an excellent representation of Chun-Li having a silly moment.

On the antithesis of silly (i.e., serious), I present to you Ryu's Super-Art moves, starting with the Denji-Hadoken. An upgrade from the Shinkuu-Hadoken, Denji-Hadoken gives you the option to CHARGE the already powerful Shinkuu-Hadoken, much like Sakura's chargeable Hadoken in Street Fighter Alpha 2. The obvious drawback is that people can already prepare themselves for or act on the creation of a Shinkuu-Hadoken. The benefit is that it's UNBLOCKABLE. 'Nuff said for turtlers. That's not the end to his strength, for he also has the baddest move on top of that: the Shin-Shoryuken.
Normally, Ken is the better of the two when it comes to the Shoryuken, pulling off more than the single hit Ryu is capable of. Ryu has come back with a vast improvement over Ken's Shoryu-Reppa and Shin-Ryuken, called the Shin-Shoryuken. This Super-Art is so strong, it has a backup plan for when it misses its initial ground strike. On the ground, the Super-Art only gets three hits. It also knocks off an amazing 50% of health from the life-meter. The real gem is when the three strikes go off in sucession: Ryu hits with the first hand (a "closed body" camera shot), then the camera gets a close-up of the opponent's mid-section for a second hit (an "open body" camera shot) and ending with Ryu sending the opponent skyward with a rising uppercut. It may seem tedious to you, but to me it's ballet.
Lest we forget that if he misses the ground strike, Ryu has a chance to make a 15-hit aerial combo. It's impressive, but it doesn't pass Sagat's 21-hit Tiger Genocide from Street Fighter Alpha 2.

Street Fighter III: Third Strike is a milestone in gaming for me; it put almost everything into a fighting game AND not a lot of people hogged it up at the arcade. When something like that happens to a fighting game, that means there's something in it for me and will probably earn a high mark with me.

RATING: 8/10

Movie Review - The Phantom (1996)

SLAM EVIL. The dumbest tagline ever.

When I saw this tagline attached to the movie The Phantom, I really didn't care. The movie wasn't hyped up as much as other movies in 1996, and due to that fact I did not see it in its theater run. Later on, I expressed some regret about not seeing the film because (a) it was a superhero movie, and all of those movies should be given a chance and (b)I had heard of the Phantom before.
I first encountered the legend of The Phantom through the cartoon Defenders of the Earth, an ensemble superhero group that fought against Ming the Merciless. Their ranks included jungle heroes the 22nd Phantom and Lothar, space hero Flash Gordon, Mandrake the Magician and their respective descendants (Jedda Walker, Rick Gordon, L.J. and the orphan Kshin, respectively). The purple-tighted Phantom didn't seem like much because of his lack of super powers or any well-known, establishing feats. Thus, it was not inferred that he was the leader and was relegated to the shadows (like Batman) while Flash and the others led the charge. Want for a cloistered life is not indicative of a crime fighter 22 generations in the making. That changed with another animated production starring the Phantom.
Phantom 2040 is about the 24th Phantom and his adventures in the future. The show had an awesome theme song that screamed FUTURE and the character designs were created by Peter Chung (of Aeon Flux fame). Thus watching the show automatically became a guilty pleasure. The show didn't last long, but the idea that a hero can lack superpowers and NOT be a brooding shadow all the time(ah, the comic-book heroes of the 1990's) was refreshing. And so, I approached the VHS copy of the Phantom with an open mind and respect for the Ghost Who Walks.

Our story is about the Walker family line and its curious fetish for domino masks and dark clothing. Why do they do this, you ask? Many years ago, the Walker family line (formerly Standish) was nearly ended by the machinations of greedy pirates. Crucified on an African beach and his son left to watch, the elder Standish begged vengeance from his son. With the hate of piracy and evil in his heart, the first Phantom was born.
Obviously, the Phantom is a mortal. He goes about his days as a man and can die just like any other through age or various other means. As such, when a Phantom dies, his son immediately takes his place. That is why villains believe that the Phantom never dies--"The Ghost Who Walks"--and fear him with great trembling.
The movie concerns the 21st Phantom, Kit Walker (Billy Zane), who inherits the Phantom mantle from his father, the 20th Phantom (Patrick McGoohan). Phantom #20 dies fighting the ruthless pirate king Kabai Sengh (character actor Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), and word is passed across the Atlantic. Soon Kit has to leave all that he knows, including his fiancee, Diana Palmer (Kristy Swanson).
Kit's on the case about three mystical skulls that, when joined, release a great power. In the wrong hands, the power invested in the mystical skulls could conquer the world. Such are the plans of Mr. Xander Drax (Treat Williams)--businessman, industrialist and part-time gangster. With the help of his henchmen Quill (James Remar) and the devious, skintight leather-clad aviatrix Sala (Catherine Zeta-Jones), Xander Drax gets his hands on two of the three skulls. Encountering both Kit and the Phantom at several points in the movie, the evil Drax never puts two and two together. Such is his downfall, for none escape the wrath of The Phantom!
Once the movie reaches a state of normalcy, the skulls are in their rightful places, Diana has joined Kit in Africa and they are set to bring in the next generation of the Phantom, even after finding out they are related by blood--

Wait, they're related? And they're trying to have KIDS? Saint Lazaro on crutches, no wonder the 23rd Phantom didn't last long--he was inbred!  Incest aside, the movie was great and needs to be visited by many a new-school comic fan. Maybe it'll let 'em know that there's more to heroism than mutants, ninjas, half-naked women and giant robots.

Video Game Review - Shining Force (1992 - Sega Genesis)

Shining Force was not the first RPG in the shining series that I played; that goes to the first RPG I enjoyed, called Shining Force II  Nonetheless, Shining Force gives us a little bit of history as to what its sequel will be talking about in certain points of the story. But we're here to review the second game in the "Shining" Series, Shining Force: the Legacy of Great Intention.

At first glance, the subtitle for Shining Force is powerful yet somewhat Engrish in its execution. That's not what you're here for. You're here to listen to a little girl named Meg read a story about a young man who sacrificed his life to save the world from the evil wizard Dark Sol (from the first game Shining in the Darkness) and his three-headed creation, Dark Dragon. She manages the save files for the game by the chapters read in the book, which is a detriment to those who must save on the fly. Because of the Chapter system, there is no going back to find missed items or playable characters. While this is a drawback, it doesn't diminish the fun I had playing it.

Playing this game after playing its sequel, *Shining Force II*, made the game a lot more fun than it should have been. I especially liked the reappearing young traveller Boken. Speaking of Boken, this game will always make sure that you try to help as many people as you can. The obvious reward is either items or a new party member, more often the latter. When you get your characters, just be prepared for some weird stuff.
When it comes to party members, *Shining Force* has some real doozies. You'll get characters like:

• Domingo the magical jellyfish
• winged birdman warriors like Balbaroy and Amon
• Guntz the mech-suited armadillo
• centaur knights(eliminating the need for both horse and rider by combining them)
• Zylo the werewolf

and many others who will see you through to your mission of saving the world from evil.

The magic in the game sets a precedent as to how magic will be exhibited in the "Shining" Series games. Most magic spells have 4 levels to them, with more complex animations as the levels go higher. They're damn good magic spells to look at and are great for the system's power. The items in this game are pretty cool, with created weaponry being forged from Mithril only and cursed weapons being found in battle. Those kinds of weapons are usually found in the presence of bosses.
Bosses are a mixed bag: they can be sickeningly easy or hard enought to gain your respect after you've stomped a mudhole in them and walked it dry. I think that they'd all be the same with different sprites if it weren't for the terrain they chose to battle on. The terrain in which a boss (or any enemy for that matter) chooses is usually chosen to take advantage of the delay in traversing the terrain, thus limiting movement. In an open grassland, the terrain effect to movement would be 0%, while terrain effect in a swamp would be at the maximum of 30%--enough to knock out one or two blocks off your movement radius (an average of 4).

As I stated before, the game sets down ground rules as to how future installments in the "Shining" Series are run. I must say though, the ending may be pyrrhic but there's always a light at the end of the darkness... a shining light...

Movie Review - ROD: Read or Die (2001)

There's a lot of anime out there in the world.  There's folks out there that like their action, some that like their horror and some that love their pr0n (NOTE: I use the Internet term "pr0n" because it's hi-frickin'-larious) or as the Japanese call it, "hentai." I choose my anime carefully, and make sure that I leave certain anime to their own devices if its general presence gets too ridiculous like the stateside phenomenon of Dragon Ball Z/GT/Kai/LOL. Now don't get me wrong: I've geeked out to many an anime and DBZ is no exception. But when I see a grown-ass man in suit and tie whine like a child because the comic book store didn't have the latest bootleg Japanese tape, something is WRONG with the show's fanbase and it goes without saying that I RAN AWAY VERY FAST.
With that said, I wish to acknowledge a certain sect of people since neglected in the wake of the anime revolution of which this anime is subconsciously dedicated to: LIBRARIANS.

ROD: Read or Die follows the exploits of one Yomiko Readman (voiced by Rieko Miura/Kimberly Yates). This young woman is an avid reader and part-time school teacher. She's absent-minded, leaving post-its on the stacks of books in her apartment as reminders to be a productive member of society. While she may not seem like much other than a mousy bookworm on the outside, she harbors quite the interesting life.

As a member of the top-secret, world-spanning British Library Special Operations Division, Miss Readman holds the rank of their best agent. She also had the mental powers to control paper on a molecular level. By harnessing this miraculous skill, she can use the harmless scrap paper in the suitcase she totes everywhere as anything she wants. This has also eaned her the goofiest code name ever spoken: "The Paper". Miss Readman is informed by her dispatcher Joker (voiced by Hozumi Goda/Crispin Freeman) to track down and foil a plot to take over the world by a previously unknown party called "I-Jin". The other thing that is known about the case is a very rare book is involved-- and with that, Yomiko is on the case. Joker's not letting her out of HQ without assigning a partner, so "the Paper" now has to contend with the unflappable Nancy, codename "Miss Deep" (voiced by Michiko Neya/Amanda Winn Lee). Blessed with superior combat skills, intangibility and a fathomless bosom, Miss Deep and the Paper work together with an agency sniper commando named Drake (voiced by Masami Iwasaki/Jason Lee) to take down I-Jin's genetically altered versions of... historical and legendary figures? What kind of methamphetamine grab-bag is this?
Believe it or not, the first enemy they fight is based on French entomologist Jean-Henri Fabre (voiced by Junko Takeuchi/Douglas Rye), who rides into battle on a giant grasshopper. A serious case of WTF will grab your brain and not let go, especially if you're not up on academia. Many other important figures also pop up in the three episode OVA, who equally kick ass. But not as much as the music kicks ass.

Very much in the musically sharp style of 1970's action music, the opening music rocks. It's almost as if you look at the opening animation and just feel the city it shows you--I wouldn't be surprised if the neighborhood shown in the opening is none other than the Akihabara District in Tokyo, Japan. I'm probably wrong, but it would be an interesting touch. The bird's-eye view of the city isn't the cherry on top with this OVA, it's something far more affable to my sensibilities. The very idea that an introverted bookworm is the central protagonist to a three-part globetrotting action/adventure filled with over-the-top scenes AND wraps up with efforts to thwart a world domination plot goes against the grain. It damns the traditional hero with a flip of a page, teaches us all the power of books... and that "reading is fundamental".

Video Game Review - Terraria (2011 - PC/Windows)

I am a big fan of Toby "Tobuscus" Turner 's videos on YouTube.  He is very funny and makes videos one after another, seemingly without stopping.  At the time of this writing he is off at PAX 2011 doing live performances of his "Literal Trailers", but I went through his past video game clips and found some funny videos for PC like F.E.A.R. 3 and the game I am reviewing now, Terraria.
 Developed by Re-Logic, this game has been called "a 2D version of Minecraft".  I've read that in Game Informer Magazine and that's exactly the vibe I got when I looked at the game as Toby recorded his progress through the game.  I decided to play and I am hooked.  The sandbox design of the game and character customization are what I have been asking for for a very long time in almost every game I play.  I play Dungeons & Dragons Online: Stormreach for character customization, but I have yet to invest in the hardware that would allow me the sandbox feel of Minecraft.  What I have done instead is further my complex to reshape the world as I see fit.

I've build castles and honeycombed the earth, I've laid flat the sand dunes and driven the water deep underground.  I've even spanned jungle valleys and the craters of the corrupted zones.  This I do in search of materials and even greater tools to aid in my quest to...not sure what the main goal is in the game, but they provide several bosses to fight via Summoning Altars.  You don't level up, but you can find extra hearts and mana stars to lessen the damage.  Trust me; you'll need 'em. 
There are several zones to explore (jungle, corrupted, desert, ocean, etc.), in addition to various hazards to encounter along the way (monsters, nature, etc.)--all within a customizable options menu that determines the size of the world on which you play at the outset.  Currently, I'm playing in a Small-sized world; Toby's playing in a Medium-sized world.  I can only imagine the madness that a Large-size world would be...

There so much to the game that I can't fit all of it into this article, but I will add this tidbit: I've heard rumors about a floating island in the game made of gold ore, but I'll have to test that theory out for myself.  Not unlike a rare nugget, Terraria gets a great recommendation from me.

RATING: 9/10

Cordoba Chronicles IV: Chapter 5

The shirtless Elven bard plucked a few strands on his guitar and began to yell over the din of the Egress Bar. “Hello, good patrons! Welcome to Egress Bar! I’ll be your bard tonight…” The crowd continued on in their revelry and conversation as if the bard wasn’t there. 

Another elf walked over to the bard, dressed in a leaf-themed outfit with a pair of bongos. Her short, feathered hair wobbled a bit when she leaned over and said, “Mar-val, maybe they don’t want to see this new girl tonight.”

“Ti-man,” Mar-val shot back, “this is the girl’s coming out! We can’t let her down! Besides, Donovan is paying us extra.”

“Ah,” said the enlightened elf. Ti-man got up on the stage and yelled “HEY!” at the top of her husky voice. When the crowd stopped dead, she said, “Thank you. Now, we’d like to show all you men a new girl who’s just joined our family here at Egress Bar. Please welcome our new girl…Rysa!”

As the curtain pulled back, a petite body slithered into view. Her hair was curly, stopping at ears adorned with simple blackwood hoop earrings. The yonic shape of the earrings was overly obtuse compared to the striking curves of the dancer who wore them along with a snakeskin string bikini. The tanned skin stretched over thin yet capable arms and legs gave off more than enough sex appeal for the already entranced crowd. The dancer’s smile was radiant as she surveyed the crowd in a quick glance with sultry gray-green eyes.

Many of the men who were there had seen this young lady before and considered her forbidden fruit. The fact that she was here—dancing at the Egress Bar—was a sign that there was a God. The dancer called Rysa began to shake and shimmy her way across the stage barefoot as the musicians Mar-val and Ti-man played their melody. She worked her way to the pole and used it as a prop in her dance, unaware of what it meant to the crowd. Rysa felt good to stretch the length of her body against the pole, slowly reaching down to the floor and letting the elves’ music take her to that place she knew when she felt her needs tugging at her body. She arched her back and finished the dance with a descending pirouette that let her fall to the stage floor.

The place erupted into applause at Rysa’s finale. The dancer looked up at the crowd and saw nothing but the faces of an entertained audience. It’s exactly how the Enigman Kitty described: the rush, the people, everything. Looking about as she pushed herself off the stage deck, she saw a familiar face—but while his hands may have been clapping, his face was stuck in an O of shock and surprise.

It’s that guy, the dancer thought with a smirk. She left the stage as the two musicians gathered up all the food and candy their basket allowed. Rysa worked her way past the grabbing, groping hands wanting their own personal encore and stopped at the man sitting at the bar who stared at her, unsure of what to say. She said the only thing that could have confirmed his suspicions of who Rysa was.

Through glossy lips she purred into his ear, “Hey, Rashad.”

“I-Inia?”

“Shh!” she said into his ear. “They call me Rysa here. Just use that name.” She sidled next to him at the bar and said, “It’s really good to see you here, Rashad. How’d you know tonight would be my coming out night?”

“I didn’t,” Rashad said as he took in Inia’s half-naked body on the stool next to him. “Wow.”

Inia cocked her head in mock confusion. “Hm?”

“Uh…I’m just looking at you, girl. I mean I knew you were hot,” confessed Rashad, “but not this hot. You put Mount Natrius to shame!”

“Yeah,” Inia said. “It helps in this job when you don’t have any, so it all works out.”

Rashad took another swig from his Fireflower special and said, “Speaking of jobs, I thought you were working at the Loom House.”

“The Loom House is my normal job,” she said. “More like a cover job. I use that job to earn money and keep a low profile with my Auntie. If she knew about THIS job, she’d kill me!” Inia began to fan herself and say, “Wow, I never really noticed how hot it gets in here with all these guys around.” She lifted her hair away from the tie that kept her bikini in place. Inia looked back at Rashad and said, “By the moons, I’m so tense after that dance. Can you massage my shoulders?”

Like a dumbass, Rashad asked, “I’m sorry, what’d you say?”

“Gimme a massage, please. I’ll pay you back.”

“OK” was the quickest answer he could muster. Inia shifted around on the stool so that her back faced Rashad. He placed his hands against her shoulders and began to rub. He leaned to the bar and called for the bartender.

“Yo,” Shuya answered. “What’s up Rysa?”

“Mmmmmm” was all Inia said with closed eyes.

Shuya looke over at Rashad and said, “Another Fireflower Special, sir?”

“Yeah,” Rashad said. “And a glass of water for…Rysa.”

“Hmm. Big spender.” Shuya went to work.

Both Inia and Rashad were getting into the massage when Cyan showed up. He had a bit of blood trickling from his mouth and a light scratch on his neck. Rashad had to ask upon seeing his co-worker, “What in the Hells happened to you?”

Inia opened her eyes and said playfully, “He’s been with Kitty.”

As if on cue, the Enigman cat-woman called Kitty sidled up to Cyan’s right side. She wore very short shorts, letting the rest of her body be seen au naturel. The Enigman regarded Rashad with keen yellow eyes and said to him, “Puppy love doesn’t last forever, human. Try a little bit of Kitty, baby.”

Cyan chirped up, “C’mon, twerp. It’ll change your life!” The Halfling reached around Kitty’s waist and gave her a squeeze. Kitty liked that and let him know by purring and running her rough tongue over his right cheek.

Witness to the entire scene, Rashad said, “NO THANK YOU.”

“Heh…humans,” was all Kitty said as she walked off with Cyan in tow, leaving Inia and Rashad behind to watch her twitching tail.

Movie Review - Snow Falling on Cedars (1999)

Snow Falling on Cedars is a movie that means so much to me, yet had absolutely nothing to do with my current situation when it was released. For one, I wasn't in a forbidden relationship and there was no open war fought on two fronts. But I can sympathize with the characters in the movie, given the theme of love in a world that will not have it, despite the gains made in society to facilitate it.

Based on the 1994 book of the same name, the movie is set in two time periods: around the middle of the Second World War and a period ten years later. Our two main characters are Ishmael (Ethan Hawke) and Hatsue (Yoki Kudo), two kids growing up in a small West Coast fishing town. They would grow up to be lovers, but they could never be together because Hatsue is Japanese-American and Ishmael is White. In their teens, World War II comes to America's doorstep. All Japanese-Americans had to report to internment camps due to their being a "homeland security risk" in the war against Japan. While Hatsue is placed in an internment camp, Ishmael joins the fight and finds himself in the Pacific Theater. It is this period where the young lovers are changed.
Hatsue meets her future husband Kazuo Miyamoto (Rick Yune), a man in her internment camp who is shipped out to the European Theater and returns. Ishmael loses his arm--and his love for Hatsue--at Iwo Jima. Yet something inside Ishmael still burns...

Fast forward to postwar America: people are still against Japanese-Americans. Sometimes out in the open and sometimes behind closed doors. It all comes to a head when the small fishing town where Ishmael grew up has a murder mystery. It seems a young fisherman was murdered. The only suspect is the last man to have a dispute with the young man's family: his friend Kazuo Miyamoto. The racism in town has got Hatsue and Kazuo's father Zenhichi (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) worried that his son won't get a fair trial, even with the help of Nels Gudmunssen the defense lawyer (legendary actor Max von Sydow). Ishmael, now a newspaper reporter, has evidence that could clear Kazuo's name, but will the jilted love of Hatsue stop him from doing the right thing?

The idea that there's this love story with history being used as a backdrop for a murder mystery is absolutely brilliant. I can't think as to why I went to see this movie... Wait! I think I know why: back then I had CRAZY yellow fever.
I was all about the Asian hotties. Hell, I used to rationalize that I admired the minimalistic beauty of the Asian woman as a man AND as a graphic designer. I used to say, in reference to the Asian woman, that God did so much to create a beautiful woman by doing very little. In many ways, I still feel the same but definitely not as strongly as I did during the time I saw this movie. When this movie ended, I cried quiet tears. I cried for the happiness and sadness of the characters. Most of all, I cried in recognition of Ishmael's silent battle fought to quell the feelings in his heart for Hatsue and to uphold a pillar of the newsman's existence: the truth.

Here be an excellent movie.

Video Game Review - Culdcept (2003 - Sony Playtation2)

There was a time, before Yu-Gi-Oh, when a collectible card game captured the socially disenfranchised youth of America with a magic wholly unrelated to the bond between a boy and his electric rat. Before that, another game made a point about how capitalism rocks the world through the mighty power of the thimble. For the record, I love the former and hate the latter of the two games described. The mish-mash of the two games, Culdcept, is an even-handed merger of the two.

From what's gleaned in the opening animation, the game employs grand artwork from some Japanese fantasy artists to tell the story of the goddess Culdra and her book Culdcept--translated as "the book of creation" in some language. There's some bullshit about how people on the world she lords over used the cards in the book (those people are called Cepters) to wage wars and, if they get the entire book, can become a GOD.

Cue the plot: There's a rogue Cepter called Geminigh going about destroying all the worlds previously created by other Cepters, prompting Culdra to send her magic cane (it talks!) to search for the Chosen One™ who will defeat the evil Geminigh. Naturally, that person is you.

With a cast of characters sure to make you laugh (by their trash talk and animated sprites alone), Culdcept ain't nothin' but the love child of Magic: the Gathering and Monopoly. Whether you win or lose, you get cards (spells, artifacts and creatures with perks like First Strike and a better version of Magic's Banding called Support). The lands on the Monopoly-like game board (with permutations) provide you with the magic needed to cast, but it needs to be occupied, much like the little green houses in Monopoly. When a chain of lands of the same element is obtained, the price of the lands goes up and the person who stops on your land must pay in magic. If they can't pay, they've got to sacrifice their lands or stocks until they can pay and be in the black while achieving a set number of gross or total magic.

Speaking of black, this game is a lot like Magic: The Gathering, but is missing the black mana of swamps and artifact creatures. Where Magic's white mana is now yellow and representative of wind, both the artifact and black creatures are mixed into a color category called Neutral. Hardly a compromise, considering that black cards are not neutral in any way.

Culdcept can get real cheap on you sometimes; you'll start out good and lose it all. Other times you'll have no creature cards--this game's 'Mulligan'--and have to walk the board discarding until you inevitably come out on top. This is an example of the game's many virtues. Culdcept allows you to have up to 10 different books of cards to battle with, giving you the opportunity to alter the 50 card deck you have or to switch between decks you've created. The game keeps stats on your battles and allows you to fight Cepters you've already beaten in Story Mode (one of 4 modes of play) for practice AND more cards to complete the entire collection. You can even trade cards via the Import/Export option with PS2 Memory cards. It's almost as though they thought of everything; sadly, they didn't. This game has one real problem: the game option 'Suspend". Suspend is the game's version of Battle Save or QuickSave, but not really. While those features in other games just stop the game to be resumed at a later time, Suspend does that and fucks you over by not giving you cards, gallery images or medals whether you win or lose. This can be a problem when you have interruptions that requre you to leave the house, barring your wanton waste of electricity.

Ultimately, this game is awesome and damn-near perfect, but only for those with nothing better to do during the summer. If you do choose to buy or rent it, prepare to surprise yourself by the speed you'll learn the game of Culdcept.

Movie Review - Shuang-Qi-Zhen daoke (1992)

I picked this up at Blockbuster in the Martial Arts section, even though it would fit much better in the Foreign section. I say that because Swordsmen in Double Flag Town doesn't have the copious amount of swordplay that most martial arts movies have and that doing so would be giving Blockbuster too much credit. Enough about the rental company, here's a movie about the Chinese West that took place around 71, no 81 years ago...
Upon his deathbed, old man Hai told his young son Hai Ge (Gao Wei) that he was betrothed as a baby to a girl in Double Flag Town. She's got a mole on her butt and her father is a lame man. Armed with the information and a trusty pair of daggers, Hai Ge sets out across the Gobi Desert to find the town. Along the way he crosses the path of Desert Eagle (Wang Gang), a self-proclaimed champion of the people. They part ways as Hai Ge approaches  Double Flag. He meets his father-in-law Lame Man (Chiang Jiang) under the worst circumstances and makes a fool of himself in front of his bride, Hao Mei (Zhao Mana). Once everything is straightened out, Hai Ge starts to work at Mr. Hao's restaurant. Even if Hai Ge gets no respect, it's a living, until bandits come to town.
These bandits are under the command of the Lethal Swordsman (Sun Haiying), and they want a little fun. That fun comes in the shape of trying to rape Hao Mei. Quick with the daggers, Hai Ge makes short work of the offender. Sadly, the offender is not just any bandit--he's the Lethal Swordsman's brother. This is sure to bring the wrath of the Lethal Swordsman down on Double Flag Town, so the townies ask for Hai Ge's help, but expect to be wiped out in a bloodbath. Their fear is justified; Hai Ge is barely 15 years old.

This movie is an award-winning film in its native China and across the globe, winning six awards over three years from different countries. To quote the back of the DVD case, it's a style that can be describes as "Sergio Leone meets Hiroshi Teshigahara". I can understand the Sergio Leone reference, but I'll have to take the time to watch a Teshigahara film to truly appreciate the sentiment. Nonetheless, it can get bloody, but not so crazy that the fighting overshadows the story. It probably won't grab the imagination of most martial arts fans because of the lack of fighting, so I should recommend this film migrate to the foreign film section, where its merits would be appreciated.