Cordoba Chronicles I: A Forward

This bit is to let you all know that the novella "Cordoba Chronicles IV: the Necromancer's Fury" was not written in a vacuum, and not without prior setup.

I created the fantasy world of Cordoba from 1994 to 1997 while attending high school at Design and Architecture Senior High, a magnet art school in Miami, FL.  It was in response to a lack of cool fantasy stories accessible to the mainstream audience.  I made a point to make something I wanted to see, and I figured that the big thing missing from the stories I liked and knew were the fact that there were no popular leading Black or dark-skinned characters.  They had popular Black supporting characters (sidekicks, rivals, mentors, love interests, etc.) but none that the average viewer would want to emulate, due to the lack of a leading role. These Black characters are not the center of a universe, and no story is told or experienced through their eyes. I decided to change that.

The story has a great number of influences. Cartoons, comics, science fiction, video games and action films were a big portion of my life prior to writing the Cordoba Chronicles, so a great deal of influence comes from them.

The short list reads like this:

• The graphic novels TITANS: Scissors, Paper, Stone, Ninja High School and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Book II
• the DC comic book Legionnaires (formerly Legion of Superheroes, rebooted after Zero Hour in 1994)
• CAPCOM's "Mega Man 2" and "Street Fighter 2010: the Final Fight"
• "Black Magic: M-66", "Bubblegum Crisis", "Appleseed", "AKIRA", and other Japanese animation films
• the American cartoons "Galaxy High School", "Beverly Hills Teens", "Jem", "Centurions: Power X-Treme", "Thundercats", Silverhawks", "Tigersharks", "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe", "Bravestarr", "Bionic Six", "Shirt Tales", "Dinosaucers", "The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers",
• the British cartoon "DangerMouse",
• the French cartoons "Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea" (AKA "Les Mondes Engloutis") and "Ulysses 31"
• Live action shows like "Ultraman", "Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future", and of course "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"
• the Universal Pictures' "Action Pack" movie "Hercules and the Circle of Fire" starring Kevin Sorbo and the follow-up TV series "Hercules: the Legendary Journeys"
• the "Star Trek" TV series (TOS, TNG, DS9 and Voyager) and the original "Star Wars" trilogy (A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi)
• the movie "Conan the Destroyer"
• the 1980 movie "Flash Gordon"
• the movie "Passenger 57"
• the Japanese animation imports "Voltron: Defender of the Universe", "Transformers", "Robotech", "Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs", and "Mysterious Cities of Gold"

It goes without saying that I have a long-standing flirtation with Dungeons & Dragons (both the game and the cartoon), regardless of what people say.  I think I've said enough; I hope you enjoy Cordoba Chronicles I. Enjoy!

-swatson

Crazy Dream from my High-School Days

I remember having this crazy dream back in Miami before I went to college. It was my junior year at DASH (Design & Architecture Senior High School!) and I was friends with this senior dude who did not go to my school. His name was Duergan (changed to protect the innocent) and he got me hooked on more Mystery Science Theater 3000. I say more because I liked the show when it was on Comedy Central, and on the Sci-Fi Channel (now called SyFy, because they hate their viewing audience.)

Nevertheless, I borrowed a lot of old school MST3K videos (storebought and bootlegged off the TV) and watched them every week during the summer of 1996. There were a lot of Godzilla (old Russian bear Godzilla--not the T. rex/raptor wannabe) flicks, spy flicks, legitimate dramas, old sci-fi classics and late 70's/early 80's horror movies that were all mocked equally by a lonely human and robots who saw no color and rarely understood the relations between men and women. I decided to watch these movies straight in a solid Thursday afternoon:

• Eegah, a 60's movie about a caveman who gets shot by cops at a pool party,
• Time of the Apes, a 60's Japanese knockoff of Planet of the Apes involving the 'Infamous Japanese Boy' and Sandy Frank,
• Hercules and the Captive Woman, starring Reg Park fighting armies of Atlantean super-soldiers,
• The Brain That Wouldn't Die, about a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein who saves his wife's severed head after a car accident, only to drive her mad and cause some crazy, unrelated monster to attack the lab.

...because I supposedly had nothing better to do. That night, I had an excellent dinner and I watched the FOX crime drama "New York Undercover". I fell asleep in the middle of it and began to dream a crazy dream...

I had this dream that my parents got enough money to move us all to Beverly Hills (not sure why.) For some reason, my brother and I still lived in the same room together with a long window overlooking the backyard. One night, my brother and I were chillin' in the room when we heard a sound in the yard. I looked out and saw a large, bummy-looking man walking around the back lawn. I yelled at him, "Go away, you bum! Leave!"  He didn't hear me. My brother joined in and yelled; that's when he heard us. The bum turned toward the window and jumped through! In a shower of glass, he landed on our bed (we had to share a lot).

I took a good look at the guy...and he looked like Eegah, but he had the build of Hercules. This guy was very dangerous looking--and unconscious. Weird little imps that we are, we go into the kitchen and get some cocktail swords and when we got back to the room, we started to stab him in his crotch with them. It seemed like a good idea at first.

The Hercules-Eegah hybrid sat up in pain and threw my brother into the wall. Being the manly man that I am, I ran screaming like a bitch. I ran out the house and jumped over the fence to my backyard. Then I jumped over the other fence leading to my front yard. Then I jumped over the first fence leading to my back yard. This went on for 10 minutes; that's just how my dreams work.

I then went and jumped the neighbor's fence. The neighbors had put plastic in their chain-link fence, but I still climbed to the top. Then the plastic in the fence made the fence start to sway under my weight. The sway was pretty forceful and launched me into the neighbor's pool. Then I pulled my self over the pool fence (they have a small child and don't want him/her falling into the pool) and ran through the open gate in the fence facing the opposite street. At that point, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I began to walk down the street. Before I get even a few houses down the block, I hear a loud car crash. I turn around and it's the Hercules-Eegah hybrid wrestling some woman's Rolls Royce away from her. He throws her out of the car and rips off the roof. He figures out how to drive a car pretty quick and drives the car on the sidewalk to try and get me! I'm out running him, but for how long? I think to myself. I look back and he plows right through a tree. I make a sharp turn and lose Hercules-Eegah, but now I'm in a badly lit cul de sac.

There are some people there in the cul-de-sac discussing something, but I can't make it out. I join the conversation, but I can't make out what I'm saying, either. Then I begin to understand at the end when we all agree that we should go to the mall.

We push through some bushes and see a great mall, separated from us by a 4-lane highway with a median strip. On the median strip, there was an admission booth. The admission to get into the mall was $10. Luckily, the money I had in real life (all I had in my wallet was $10 at the time) translated into the dream and I had enough money to get in. The other people with me didn't have money and were very angry and didn't understand the reason for having to pay admission to get into a mall. I was happy to get to the mall but before I could get in, Hercules-Eegah was right behind me--in a brown wig and purple chiffon dress! I had to get away from this cross-dressing caveman, but through which entrance?

There were two: one was the entrance going through the arcade, the other was the entrance going through the perfume shop. I went through the perfume shop and ran up the nearest stairs. I looked back and saw that Hercules-Eegah followed me, but was stuck in the perfume store smelling all the wonderful scents! I smiled and went on my way--but I didn't go... 

Alright, I need to make something clear: in my dreams, I don't always see things in a first-person view. Sometimes I see them in a second-person view or a third-person observer, or third-person omniscient. Anyway, I switched to a third-person observer and watched this old Black couple walk past this rug shop. The wife looks into the store and says, "Ohh look, honey, some rugs! Let's buy some for the children!" Knowing that she wants them for herself and that the rug salesman would give them a hassle from the look on his face, he fixes his fedora and says, "C'mon, honey, you know they won't let our KIND shop here." 

The camera flashes back to me in first-person as I bump into a man who looks like Keanu Reeves wearing an outstanding blue vest. He greets me and asks, "Hey, you want to see the new music store I designed?" 

Before I can answer, Bluevest drags me down the stairs to a nearby Sam Goody, where a foppish man waits blindfolded and overflowing with happiness. Bluevest pulls off the blind fold and says, "Here it is, dude!"

The fruity man is overcome and hoots, hollers and dances his way into the new store. I'm distracted by a CD display that has some new artists, so I check it out. There's a CD single in there called "Bust That Ass" by none other than J.C. and Eddie Torres (aka "Eddie Vatos") from "New York Undercover". A nearby video wall flares up and it's J.C. and Eddie's video for "Bust That Ass". It shows them running up on crooks and bustin' 'em in the head, and kicking down doors to get the perp. Then when they catch him, they do him like the door. The video ends with them arresting themselves.

...and that's it.

Movie Review - 2 Fast 2 Furious (2002)

The thought to put this review up on my site occured to me today. I felt I should share the comedy I found in this movie. Anybody who has seen the predecessor of this movie, The Fast and The Furious (2001), can attest to the unintentional humor of Jordana Brewster's uni-brow. Before I begin talking about the humor of 2 Fast 2 Furious (we'll call it "2Fast" for short), I'll give you a hint to the joke as I summarize the movie. I'll call this summary:

"2 Fast 2 Furious"

OR

"MAN, WHEN I WAS IN PRISON..."

Our streetwise saga continues to follow the adventures of Brian (Paul Walker), former undercover cop. After losing his quarry for the sake of honor in The Fast and the Furious, he was relieved of duty. Now he street races to make ends meet in a sweet ass modified car that he crashes after being pursued by 5-0. The cops take him in and tell him that he's going to jail...IF he doesn't help his old cop buddies break up a druglord's business going on down in Miami AND to save an agent who may have crossed over. Because he's too pretty to be in prison, Brian agrees on one condition: he gets to choose his partner.
Brian chooses his old friend Roman (Tyrese), on house arrest from the last time he and Brian were together. Both of them had a criminal past as youngsters, yet Roman took the heat. He spent time in prison and still behaves as though he's still there. The two former friends settle their score and go off to do the deed in Miami, with Roman eating and reminiscing about prison every other sentence.
There they meet with a colorful cast of characters: Tej the race promoter(rapper Ludacris), his mechanic Jimmy (Ruff Ryder rapper Jin) and darling grrl racer Suki (supermodel Devon Aoki). These characters show off their cars are and how they live. They are sideline characters in a sideline story to the central conflict of drug running and the main antagonist, drug kingpin Carter Verone (Cole Hauser). The writers tried to paint Verone as a super-psychopath and failed by overdoing it. The main focus of his madness was control of everything, including his lover Monica (Eva Mendes). Little does he know that Monica is a narc. She's able to get a message to our heroes about Verone recruiting drivers through the street racing circuit, and thus we have access to the villain. Will the heroes be able to save the narc, bust the drug kingpin AND keep Roman fed while doing well over 55?

This movie took the time to lovingly show us the interiors, exteriors, engines and camera angles of female behinds never before seen on the silver screen. I would also like to mention that the writers of this movie have supplied me with yet another Bad Movie. Thank you.
I know only one dude who does anything remotely like the characters in 2Fast (no, not the drug dealing/running) and I'll have to agree with him on the subject of nitrous oxide as a catalyst/accelerant/whatever, I don't care. The lack of common sense that makes a man want to put a tank of explosive gas not crucial to the locomotive status of a car is overwhelming. Sure this sounds cool, but don't we remember all the Looney Tunes/Tom & Jerry cartoons that involved nitroglycerin? If you don't then you're on your way to killing yourself and others, because nitro-anything goes BOOM when exposed to heat.

I'd like to take the time now to address the setting of the movie: Miami.
I am from Miami, and many of my friends know because I have told them after they have asked me where I am from OR they found out in passing. Many of them have never been to Miami, nor will they ever have the time to go. They depend on me for an explanation of the behaviors candidly captured in 2Fast. Some have asked me if parties like the ones at Tej's house happen every day. Those parties happen if you've got it like that. Especially if you can control the random weather. As for the rest of Miami, I wouldn't know about it; I only lived there and stayed in my area. Like I need Officer con Leche up my ass because I'm in the "wrong area".
On the subject of city street races, I'll have to "put one finger up", as my ex-girl likes to say. Before the old vampires of corporate America plotted to commoditize our youth in this new century, people were killing themselves with organized, white-knuckle street races in the 1990s. We all knew about those happenings because maybe we knew someone who participated and won...or lost their lives. What brought it to light was the extensive TV news coverage of police busts of young men in modified cars and police efforts to curb such activities with vigilance and heavy penalties. If you weren't in the know, the only place you'd see a modified car in expressful use would be the auto show(with prerequisite hot chicks and booming speakers) or at the club(with prerequisite hot chicks and booming speakers).

In short, 2Fast is a bevy of very broad misconceptions that ended up as a script to the ultimate adolescent male fantasy. Stuff went fast, stuff blew up, we got to see someone express power over others(a la Scarface, another Miami rhapsody) and we saw plenty of cleavage and curves. Put all this to a hip-hop/Latin groove under a partly cloudy sky at 87 degrees and you'll be able to ride the nitrous fumes from the bull-shit-storm that is this fun, if thoroughly inaccurate, racing movie.

CHOICE CUTS:

• Devon Aoki. You don't see much of the young miss, but when you do it's always good. Even if you don't have residual Yellow fever.
• Jin Auyung. He's now known as the rapper Jin, but I really love his role in 2Fast as Jimmy the mechanic. The respect given to his character in the film made me think he could do anything, despite his Scotty-isms.
• Carter Verone's club party scene. In the overhead shots, there was a dark-haired woman dressed in a black mini-dress who sauntered through the club to get to the bar. I met this woman somewhat later and congratulated her on the movie. She seemed rather nonplussed and asked if I wanted a dance or what. Stardom sure didn't change her.
• Miami. I truly miss my hometown and wish I could visit more frequently. Emphasis on VISIT.
• Tyrese. Holy shit, I want muscles like that.
• Eva Mendes. So they replace Michelle Rodriguez with her? They aren't interchangeable by any stretch. I'll explain: I'd like to meet & hang out with Miss Rodriguez for an entire month; I wanna meet & do Miss Mendes for an entire week.

PRICELESS QUOTES:

"Spank that ass!"

-Suki(Devon Aoki) as she jumps an open drawbridge during the first race.

 "It's my sandwich now...bitch!"

-Roman(Tyrese), to a vice cop during a lunch meeting with undercover cops.

This movie could only get a rating of 5 for the film standard it represents: a movie so bad it can't get the best rating, yet so entertaining it can't get the worst rating or anything close to it. Stupid as it was, it was fun to watch people blow rent on racing cars IN THE MOVIE. This is another case where Life should not imitate Art(*giggle*).

RATING: 5/10