Movie Review: Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Any alien armada watching out broadcasts or monitoring our data streams of pirated movies can see that Earth has a sure defense against them.  Not the armies, navies, air or special forces of respective countries would be able to stand against the might of an alien invasion.  Rest assured the aliens know our first, last, and only true line of defense: MILLA JOVOVICH.

Yes, the actress/activist/fashion designer/singer/mother/former Ukranian supermodel Milla Jovovich has been in more movies where she is the last best hope for mankind against normal and supra-normal (including extraterrestrial and supernatural) threats (see The Fifth Element) and capable of handling acrobatic feats with ease (The Three Musketeers [2011]).  These skills are heavily in play in the movie series that placed her name on the minds of movie producers: the Resident Evil franchise.
In the review for the House of the Dead movie, I brought up Ms. Jovovich and her baby-daddy Paul W.S. Anderson--the man responsible for the movie translation about the CAPCOM survival horror videogame.  I bring her up again because this review for Resident Evil: Retribution before you is also a plea to Ms. Jovovich:  

PLEASE END THE RESIDENT EVIL FRANCHISE WITH THE NEXT INSTALLMENT, BECAUSE IT'S WORN OUT ITS WELCOME.

whileIstoptheinvadingarmy--POSE...

The Resident Evil franchise was fun when everybody was making video game movies, bringing our video game fantasies to life with actors we tolerate in the roles we've already cast in our heads (more often than not, with conflict).  With a movie-only character like Alice, we'd be interested to see what kinda hijinks she could get into and out of.  She's been through Raccoon City twice, the desert, Los Angeles, Alaska, and now every major world city.

The secondary heroes in this movie are veterans from the video game series: Barry Burton, Leon Kennedy and Ada Wong.  You find out most of the world which we've seen in previous installments has been a lie on a grand scale, rendering many of the movie's off-the-wall ideas quite sensible.  It's as if the world has turned upside down to accommodate the twists & turns of the Resident Evil franchise...almost as if this entire series was written out before the first or second film hit theaters.  If that's the case, kudos to the writers for such an amazing effort.  Unfortunately, there seems to be a few reused ideas in this movie from previous Milla Jovovich movies in the series that could be done away with in my opinion.

Time for a "naked break" from POSING...

1. Naked Milla Jovovich
I'm a dude; I like the ladies and what they are capable of doing.  It's a great thing to see an empowered woman do her thing.  It was a great thing in The Fifth Element and the first Resident Evil movie to see Ms. Jovovich in a state of vulnerability, represented by different levels of injury, nudity, and confusion/disorientation, because it allowed her to transform her earlier states into a form of RAAAAAAAGE.  She then pushes out of that cocoon as a "bullet with butterfly wings" and takes out what forms of oppression and evil that lay beyond the walls of her prison.  It's as if every scene like that is supposed to be a rape victim getting her shit together and striking out at their attacker.  These can be very powerful scenes to witness, like Uma Thurman's performance in Kill Bill: Vol. I, but when overused it dulls the meaning of the scene as it happens a SECOND time in the latest entry
Due to the number of times this happens in the Milla Jovovich catalog, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that her days of being wrapped in funky clothes are behind her and she'd like to be able to act without any identifying markers: no clothes, no items, no fancy makeup, just her and her acting ability.  Nakedness comes in many forms, from full frontal to a nondescript set of clothes.  The next idea trashes most of that guess.

afterIslayabunchazombies--POSE...

2. Milla Jovovich in Clothes
While it can be assumed Ms. Jovovich has creative control over her wardrobe, she normally  chooses clothes that could be considered comfortable, functional, or feasible.  It can be assumed in the first movie in the series (back when we could only see Michelle Rodriguez as the tough Latina chick) that she was caught unawares when she was wearing the red dress outfit.  Over the course of the storylines she's gone from comfortable warrior to bondage queen.  This is not an overnight change: she didn't wear corsets until the fourth film and the latex costumes in the fourth and fifth movies seems to be the new norm. I guess they're trying to hide or incorporate the harnesses from the wire-fu shots, but c'mon.  Her wardrobe has some unintended consequences of influencing and highlighting Ms. Jovovich's acting style.

3. POSING
Ms. Jovovich's supermodel background has lent itself to the fine woman we see today.  The clothes she wore then probably were uncomfortable to wear, as they were designed for looks not comfort.  I keep mentioning comfort because if I were fighting zombies, I wouldn't wear a costume that could limit my range of movement.  As such, a fashion designer's runway collection and the PVC/platform boots costume from Retribution lead to many instances of posing--a stiff positioning of limbs for emotional evocation.  But hold the phone: she does this in her other, more comfortable outfit (the one where she uses a sawed-off shotgun filled with coins) and in her state of vulnerability/nudity.  In clothes, she stands legs apart and fires two guns while her waist is twisted slightly, making her look more powerful.  Without clothes (or just wearing some form of hospital shift that shows side- or under-boob), she is folded in a fetal position and/or low to the ground.  The implementation of these forms comes off as inorganic and they detract from the storytelling in this movie--what story there was to tell.

Enough about that, let's talk about the movie itself.
The movie tends to lean back into its video game roots, treating every challenge to be overcome as a level in a game.  This has the tendency to pop up in lazy screenwriting.  It did have its good moments, especially in subverting an age-old beef I have with the movie industry.  That makes up for a lot, but not much.

I would really like to hear more about Ms. Jovovich's musical career ("Gentlemen Who Fell" is still on my iTunes) or any other movie she's done.  If she has to make another movie about the Umbrella Corporation's crimes against humanity, then let it be the last Resident Evil movie in the series.

And the word the poster up top should replace the word "ultimate" with "pentultimate". It means "next to last", as in "you all need to end this movie series with the next film."  Please.

Cordoba Chronicles I: A Forward

This bit is to let you all know that the novella "Cordoba Chronicles IV: the Necromancer's Fury" was not written in a vacuum, and not without prior setup.

I created the fantasy world of Cordoba from 1994 to 1997 while attending high school at Design and Architecture Senior High, a magnet art school in Miami, FL.  It was in response to a lack of cool fantasy stories accessible to the mainstream audience.  I made a point to make something I wanted to see, and I figured that the big thing missing from the stories I liked and knew were the fact that there were no popular leading Black or dark-skinned characters.  They had popular Black supporting characters (sidekicks, rivals, mentors, love interests, etc.) but none that the average viewer would want to emulate, due to the lack of a leading role. These Black characters are not the center of a universe, and no story is told or experienced through their eyes. I decided to change that.

The story has a great number of influences. Cartoons, comics, science fiction, video games and action films were a big portion of my life prior to writing the Cordoba Chronicles, so a great deal of influence comes from them.

The short list reads like this:

• The graphic novels TITANS: Scissors, Paper, Stone, Ninja High School and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Book II
• the DC comic book Legionnaires (formerly Legion of Superheroes, rebooted after Zero Hour in 1994)
• CAPCOM's "Mega Man 2" and "Street Fighter 2010: the Final Fight"
• "Black Magic: M-66", "Bubblegum Crisis", "Appleseed", "AKIRA", and other Japanese animation films
• the American cartoons "Galaxy High School", "Beverly Hills Teens", "Jem", "Centurions: Power X-Treme", "Thundercats", Silverhawks", "Tigersharks", "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe", "Bravestarr", "Bionic Six", "Shirt Tales", "Dinosaucers", "The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers",
• the British cartoon "DangerMouse",
• the French cartoons "Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea" (AKA "Les Mondes Engloutis") and "Ulysses 31"
• Live action shows like "Ultraman", "Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future", and of course "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers"
• the Universal Pictures' "Action Pack" movie "Hercules and the Circle of Fire" starring Kevin Sorbo and the follow-up TV series "Hercules: the Legendary Journeys"
• the "Star Trek" TV series (TOS, TNG, DS9 and Voyager) and the original "Star Wars" trilogy (A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi)
• the movie "Conan the Destroyer"
• the 1980 movie "Flash Gordon"
• the movie "Passenger 57"
• the Japanese animation imports "Voltron: Defender of the Universe", "Transformers", "Robotech", "Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs", and "Mysterious Cities of Gold"

It goes without saying that I have a long-standing flirtation with Dungeons & Dragons (both the game and the cartoon), regardless of what people say.  I think I've said enough; I hope you enjoy Cordoba Chronicles I. Enjoy!

-swatson

Video Game Review - Crimson Tears (2004 - Sony Playstation2)

I am a big fan of the stuff that CAPCOM puts out. They have captured my attention since the days of Mega Man and Street Fighter 2010. I love their ideas and while I know that they only tolerate new ideas from the general poulace when making a new Mega Man villain, I'd still like to give them an idea or two. Here's my idea: make an action game in the vein of SEGA's Phantasy Star Online, but without the online part or the create-a-character part. It'd generally be a dungeon crawl, but without the crappiness of PK or online fees! It'd be brilliant!
Oh wait, they did that already? Crimson Tears? Never heard of it. Got to play it, and here's the review.

Set in futuristic cyberpunk Tokyo, three battle androids have escaped from a high-security facility because they stumbled on to some strange plot concocted by the evil corporation called ARMA. ARMA makes bio-weapons for the military, but something is amiss. The three rogue androids are out to put a stop to it, but they need to be stronger to do so. They set up camp in the city and traverse many levels to fight insane bosses to free not only themselves, but the entire city.
The three previously mentioned androids are Amber the ninja, Kadie the heavy blader and Tokio the gun master. Amber has dual melee weapon skills with swords and knives, but has poor hand-to-hand skills. Tokio can only use a few melee weapons, but he can use two guns at once a la Chow Yun-Fat. Despite Kadie's petite frame, she's the only one who can wield a buster sword. Their weapons, skills and combos can be upgraded to higher and higher levels and, in the case of weaponry, imbued with status effects or elemental effects. All of this is great and everything, but to give you just that would make the game far too easy to play. That's why the game designers decided to introduce the Heat Gauge.
The Heat Gauge measures how hot your android gets as it progresses through the game. When the gauge reaches maximum, the screen turns red and several things happen to your android. Your android can do max damage with every strike and runs twice as fast. While suffering from the status of being overheated(much different from the status effect "Overheat", which can be cured with "Overheat Cure" but not with "Coolant", which lowers your Heat Gauge and stops overheating), you take twice as much damage and your energy dwindles down to very little. If you're not careful, overheating can kill you. if you happen to survive a bout of overheating, your Heat Gauge will rest, but your HP meter will dwindle to 10% of max. It can be a bitch to keep your Heat Gauge down and your HP up and STILL have enough to deal with the enemies throughout the stages.

The enemies are where Crimson Tears really shines for me. I never thought that I would play a game where I'd fight not just ninjas and zombies, but zombie ninjas on top of that! Additionally, the enemies also level up along with you as the levels progress and eventually begin to use the same weapons you do. So, that scrubby soldier or robot you fought on stage 1 will be waiting for you on stage 4 and it'll have the strength to exact payback. And if you think that's tough, wait until you fight the Agent Smith-like "techno vampires" and the infamous "Mr. Black".
Bosses are strange and varied, and that's a good thing. From liquid ninjas to time-warping grim reapers, to the prerequisite evil characters with Biblical names [ex.: Abel and Eden] that are so common in Japanese sci-fi action, they all rock. That and they'll also mop the floor with you.
While quite entertaining when the enemy gets the drop on you, to the chore of getting every last item needed to create your ultimate weapon, Crimson Tears is not a game for the Madden and NBA Street set. Oddly, it CAN work for the Tekken set. Button-typing combos abound from this game, totally unrelated to the Konami game Crimson Sea or the Cliffhanger Comics title Crimson, but indirectly related to both Phantasy Star Online and the Ehrgeiz mini-game "The Forsaken Dungeon."


RATING: 8/10

Video Game Review - Street Fighter III: Third Strike (1999 - Sega Dreamcast)

This game holds a special merit in my life, due to the fact that they got a fighting game right on the money. Let's start with it's name of Street Fighter III: Third Strike.
Street Fighter III: Third Strike is nothing more than an attempt by CAPCOM to wring out another buck of its top man-whore, the wandering brawler Ryu. From the first Street Fighter to all of the modifications made on its sequel and passed off as brand new games, to the Street Fighter Alpha prequels that beat out the Star Wars prequel trilogy by 5 years, and through the psychotic Marvel branch-offs, Ryu has seen it all and has changed very little. Unfortunately, neither have his enemies. Same ol' Bison and Vega, Barlog and arch-nemesis Sagat. The stage music hasn't changed much and is even harped upon in other games. That all began to change with the original sequel to Street Fighter II, sequentially titled Street Fighter III.

The original Street Fighter III brought over the usual suspects of Ken and Ryu, but with better animations, new characters altogether, new stages and a new art style. There was a catch to all this cool stuff: you only had the choice of ONE Super-Art (the Super Attack from previous games) out of 3 to choose from. That made it hard to trip up your enemy, but they made the Super-Arts work at different levels on the Super Meter so that one Super-Art can be used 3 times with good damage, while a Super-Art that uses up the entire bar will cause massive amounts of damage. There are moves that I wanna talk about, but only within the context of Third Strike, because those same moves can be found in Street Fighter III and its sequel, Street Fighter III: Second Impact.

Third Strike, the third "sequel" to the third sequel in the Street Fighter> series (read that last sentence back and you'll understand how ludicrous that is to everyone else, but not to CAPCOM execs) brings back some characters from the Street Fighter III series, adding new ones and one revamped old-school character. The formula would seem to say, despite its features, that this is nothing but an old retread of the other Street Fighter III games. That's where Third Strike changes it up with a very significant change to the music.

CAPCOM went straight hip-hop.
It was a shock when I played the game and heard hip-hop beats blaring as I beat my opponents and  in the menus. It also allowed me to get deeper into the game than I ever wanted to. There are several instances where Street Fighter gets me and keeps me playing. Example of that are:

• Ken getting 4 hits for his Flaming Dragon Punch (Street Fighter II: The New Warriors)
• Ryu and Ken both fighting an insanely hard Bison--together (Street Fighter Alpha: Warrior's Dreams)
• Fighting Shin Akuma at Ayers Rock, Australia (Street Fighter Alpha 2)
• Ken's gets an Air Hadoken (X-Men vs. Street Fighter)
• The VISUAL strike effects (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The introduction of Captain Commando with the other 3 members of his squad as backup (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The option of using 2 characters (Marvel vs. CAPCOM: Clash of Super Heroes)
• The option of using 3 characters (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• Three characters combining their Super Attacks together (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• Star Gladiator's Hayato introduced as a 2D character (Marvel vs. CAPCOM 2: The New Age of Heroes)
• The introduction of Sean and Elena, two dark-skinned characters of African ancestry that don't suck, are evil or boxers (Street Fighter III: New Generation)
• Street Fighter III: Third Strike. The whole thing.

It took me long enough to say, but this game is awesome. The music is so great and makes you wanna go. The characters are good, especially new additions like Makoto (a karate mistress with exceptional power and spirit), Remy (a Goth version of Guile & Charlie), Hugo (a refugee of the Mad Gear gang from Final Fight) and Q (aka "the Unknown", neither man or machine). The most significant addition to the Street Fighter III character lineup was the re-introduction of the first female character in Street Fighter, Chun-Li Zhang.

She's dropped her Street Fighter Alpha tracksuit (so sad...T_T) and is back in her traditional costume. Her fighting style still has the high jumps and quick kicks, but shows a bit more grace in its animations. Chun-Li's Spinning Bird Kick has been changed so it doesn't look like she's doing a HEADspring and then spinning, but using a spinning momentum to get off the ground; so fluid it makes me happy to see it. She doesn't have a Kikosho, but her other supers are mean. Even her win poses are smooth, living things: Miss Zhang bows upon entering and the "V for victory" win pose is changed from static female-looking sprite pointing fingers upward to an excellent representation of Chun-Li having a silly moment.

On the antithesis of silly (i.e., serious), I present to you Ryu's Super-Art moves, starting with the Denji-Hadoken. An upgrade from the Shinkuu-Hadoken, Denji-Hadoken gives you the option to CHARGE the already powerful Shinkuu-Hadoken, much like Sakura's chargeable Hadoken in Street Fighter Alpha 2. The obvious drawback is that people can already prepare themselves for or act on the creation of a Shinkuu-Hadoken. The benefit is that it's UNBLOCKABLE. 'Nuff said for turtlers. That's not the end to his strength, for he also has the baddest move on top of that: the Shin-Shoryuken.
Normally, Ken is the better of the two when it comes to the Shoryuken, pulling off more than the single hit Ryu is capable of. Ryu has come back with a vast improvement over Ken's Shoryu-Reppa and Shin-Ryuken, called the Shin-Shoryuken. This Super-Art is so strong, it has a backup plan for when it misses its initial ground strike. On the ground, the Super-Art only gets three hits. It also knocks off an amazing 50% of health from the life-meter. The real gem is when the three strikes go off in sucession: Ryu hits with the first hand (a "closed body" camera shot), then the camera gets a close-up of the opponent's mid-section for a second hit (an "open body" camera shot) and ending with Ryu sending the opponent skyward with a rising uppercut. It may seem tedious to you, but to me it's ballet.
Lest we forget that if he misses the ground strike, Ryu has a chance to make a 15-hit aerial combo. It's impressive, but it doesn't pass Sagat's 21-hit Tiger Genocide from Street Fighter Alpha 2.

Street Fighter III: Third Strike is a milestone in gaming for me; it put almost everything into a fighting game AND not a lot of people hogged it up at the arcade. When something like that happens to a fighting game, that means there's something in it for me and will probably earn a high mark with me.

RATING: 8/10

Video Game Review - Crimson Tears (2004 - Sony Playstation2)

I am a big fan of the stuff that CAPCOM puts out. They have captured my attention since the days of Mega Man and Street Fighter 2010. I love their ideas and while I know that they only tolerate new ideas from the general poulace when making a new Robot Master, I'd still like to give them an idea or two. Here's my idea: make an action game in the vein of SEGA's Phantasy Star Online, but without the online part or the create-a-character part. It'd generally be a dungeon crawl, but without the crappiness of PK or online fees! It'd be brilliant!

Oh wait, they did that already? Crimson Tears? Never heard of it. Got to play it, and here's the review.

Set in futuristic cyberpunk Tokyo, three battle androids have escaped from a high-security facility because they stumbled on to some strange plot concocted by the evil corporation called ARMA. ARMA makes bio-weapons for the military, but something is amiss. The three rogue androids are out to put a stop to it, but they need to be stronget to do so. They set up camp in the city and traverse many levels to fight insane bosses to free not only themselves, but the entire city.

The three previously mentioned androids are Amber the ninja, Kaede the heavy blader (called Kadie in the American release) and Tokio the gun master. Amber has dual melee weapon skills with swords and knives, but has poor hand-to-hand skills. Tokio can only use a few melee weapons, but he can use two guns at once a la Chow Yun-Fat. Despite Kadie's petite frame, she's the only one who can wield a buster sword. Their weapons, skills and combos can be upgraded to higher and higher levels and, in the case of weaponry, imbued with status effects or elemental effects. All of this is great and everything, but to give you just that would make the game far too easy to play. That's why the game designers decided to introduce the Heat Gauge.
The Heat Gauge measures how hot your android gets as it progresses through the game. When the gauge reaches maximum, the screen turns red and several things happen to your android. Your android can do max damage with every strike and runs twice as fast. While suffering from the status of being overheated (much different from the status effect "Overheat", which can be cured with "Overheat Cure" but not with "Coolant", which lowers your Heat Gauge and stops overheating), you take twice as much damege and your energy dwindles down to very little. If you're not careful, overheating can kill you. if you happen to survive a bout of overheating, your Heat Gauge will reste, but your HP meter will dwindle to 10% of max. It can be a bitch to keep your Heat Gauge down and your HP up and STILL have enough to deal with the enemies throughout the stages.

The enemies are where Crimson Tears really shines for me. I never thought that I would play a game where I'd fight not just ninjas and zombies, but zombie ninjas on top of that (Alas, no pirates, zombie ninja pirates, or permutations thereof.) Additionally, the enemies also level up along with you as the levels progress and eventually begin to use the same weapons you do. So, that scrubby soldier or robot you fought on stage 1 will be waiting for you on stage 4 and it'll have the strength to exact payback. And if you think that's tough, wait until you fight the Agent Smith-like "techno vampires" and the infamous "Mr. Black".
Bosses are strange and varied, and that's a good thing. From liquid ninjas to time-warping grim reapers, to the prerequisite evil characters with Biblical names [ex.: Abel and Eden] that are so common in Japanese sci-fi action, they all rock. That and they'll also mop the floor with you.

While quite entertaining when the enemy gets the drop on you, to the chore of getting every last item needed to create your ultimate weapon, Crimson Tears is not a game for the Madden and NBA Street set. Oddly, it CAN work for the Tekken set. Button-typing combos abound from this game, totally unrelated to the Konami game Crimson Sea or the Cliffhanger Comics title Crimson, but indirectly related to both Phantasy Star Online and the Ehrgeiz minigame "The Forsaken Dungeon." Crimson Tears, the best dungeon crawler to come out since Dungeon Siege, gets a ReViews Rating of 8.

RATING: 8/10