Movie Review - Gallowwalkers (2007)

Simon Phoenix in Demolition Man. Nino Brown in New Jack City. "Flip" Purify in Jungle Fever. Shadow Henderson in Mo' Better Blues. John Cutter in Passenger 57. The dude that slapped Michael Jackson in the music video "Bad". The unnamed brother towards the end of Waiting to Exhale.  Blade.

These are the roles of the Wesley Snipes I know and love. Granted he's been through the ringer over his taxes and spent 3 years behind bars over them, he still turns in great performances. It was this last role that has given me pause: that of Aman, the main character from the direct-to-DVD movie Gallowwalkers. It's a horror-Western, so bear with me.
The reasonable facsimile of the American West setting is played by the Namib Desert, found in the southwestern African country of Namibia.  It is a very beautiful place, and is part of a country that has no extradition treaty with the United States (which is good so Mr. Snipes can make a movie without federal agents arresting him on site). That said, our story focuses not on taxes, but on a blood debt to be collected by butcher-turned-bounty hunter Aman (Snipes). He hunts the Gallowwalkers: a group of people he once killed in a rage of revenge for the rape of Sueno (Alyssa Pridham), the woman he loved. They have since come back and now wreak havoc on the world, which means one thing, true believers: Aman has to kill them. Again.

WESLEY SNIPES WINS
FATALITY

Aman is somewhat typical for a main character in a horror-Western: he is mysterious, wears a lot of dark colors in the hot ass sun, seems nigh invulnerable, and can do things normal men cannot. For instance, he shows proficiency in surgical procedures not seen since the first Mortal Kombat video game as he rips a Gallowwalker's skull from his body with the spine still attached with his bare hands.

Knowing the they're being hunted by a guy who can do that doesn't stop the other Gallowwalkers from running about and causing trouble. Enter the rest of the gang: Skullbucket (ex-wrestler Diamond Dallas Page), Kisscut (the wide-jawed Simona Brhlikova), and the others led by Kansa (Kevin Howarth).  They have distorted the ideas of law and justice to their own ends, and have marshal Gaza (Patrick Bergin) and his deputies under their thumb to provide access to fresh bodies. It's where we meet the kid Fabulos (Riley Smith) and the whore Angel (the very lovely Tanit Phoenix) about to be sacrificed when they are freed by Aman.  Only Fabulos escapes to partner with Aman in his quest for revenge, while Angel remains captured and will be a sacrifice to resurrect Kansa's dead son (also murdered by Aman).  Not content to suffer Kansa and his crew, Aman and Fabulos fight them to the last and save Angel.  There isn't much after that, as the director Andrew Goth goes for a Kurosawa-style western ending.

"Well, I suppose I have a little while before the
shoot is over and I have to go back to America
and face trial..."

This movie was not going anywhere aside to direct-to-DVD.  It had been in the can since 2007, but due to the tax thing it sat for 5 years or so.  Though the quality of Mr. Snipes' acting is not in question, but the level of technical expertise is inconsistent.  One minute, it's extremely stylized and the next it's on par with Bloodrayne II (hint: not a good movie). It's even interpreted that these Gallowwalkers are akin to skin-walkers, in a very literal sense: they are able to change their shape by killing and then wearing the skin of their victims.  That explains the constant bleeding even when they are not wounded. Visually it's amazing and strangely clear, but in terms of a story telling aspect it's one of a litany of problems in this non-linear tale of revenge and undead outlaws.

I truly wish this were a better movie and that it hadn't been delayed for 5 years, because then I wouldn't have to wait for Expendables 3 to come out to see Wesley Snipes in a mainstream movie.

Comic Book Review: Gammarauders, volume 1 (1989)

Just look at that cover. Everything is
happening at once MAKE IT STOP
and who is that woman in the
smiley-face mask?

This weekend I found the worst comic book I have ever seen, even worse than any art by Rob Liefeld--and that's saying a lot.  It's inconsistent, poorly proportioned, confusing, and altogether bad.  The worst part about it: the artist was trying to mimic the manga style, even going so far as to use screentones for things the artists didn't want to draw.  Unfortunately, I bought them out of the dollar bin.  The comic in question is based on an old TSR tabletop game called GAMMARAUDERS--

STOP. 

Just look at that name. GAMMA...RAUDERS. By all that's holy, this is gonna sting.

For the sake of brevity, it's a comic about dudes piloting giant cyborg mutant animals (called "Bionoids") in the post-apocalyptic future against faceless enemy combatants called "Slugoids".  That's a mouthful, and it doesn't explain why the script is so "all-over-the-place".  We have a few settings like Dodge City, Boom Town, the Big Nada (Is it a demilitarized zone? A nuclear wasteland? An uninhabited stretch of land? I've seen the comic panels and I still don't know) and the Slugoid base, and several factions roaming about these areas like Da Boyz, the Rayzors, and the Friends Of What's Left Of The Earth (F.O.W.L.O.T.E.).  Odd thing: some of these organizations are gangs of post-apocalyptic survivors, not unlike biker gangs.  These people dress in period clothing to mark their gangs: Rayzors dress like Marlon Brando in "The Wild Ones", and Da Boyz dress like 30's gangsters--in zoot suits, no less.  Our heroes, the Gammarauders, somehow are the ones that come out looking like fashion victims.

FINAL ISSUE? *yesssss*

To count the Gammarauders, we have our everyman Jok Tadsworth and his mutant cyborg mecha kangaroo named Hoag (the mecha has an Australian accent, but the pilot does not).  He is teamed up with such characters as the green-clad feminist Natasha (who pilots a poorly-drawn cyborg triceratops...moving on), the Aryan-esque all-American Ridley McMann (piloting a cyborg King Kong--that joke writes itself), Jimbo the Black guy (and his cyborg emperor penguin) and Chuck, the other Black guy who's a samurai (and pilots a giant cyborg flying monkey that speaks Japanese. Believe it or not that part actually makes sense.)  There's a plot, but Lord knows it doesn't really make for good reading--it involves a bowler hat, a snow globe, and an obvious pull from "Citizen Kane". 

So far, I've read issues 1-4, 6, 7 and 9 out of a ten-issue series.  There were some highs and lows as I read, where the lows were most of the books and the only high note was knowing that our hero Jok becomes a wanted man plotting revenge on the Gammarauders for the death of Natasha (end spoilers).  It's as if he knew what I wanted to do and acted on it. I suppose if you had a giant cyborg mutant kangaroo at your disposal, you would also take revenge on GAMMARAUDERS, one of the worst comics I've read in a long time.

GAMMARAUDERS volume 1 gets a 1 out of 10, for making sense at least once.