Movie Review - Lily C.A.T. (1987)

I stopped by my local used book store in Miami, called Paperback Book X-Change.  It was a subdued affair, picking up books to read on my trip to work, and I decided to get some VHS tapes to transfer to DVD.  I picked up two VHS tapes: Sword and the Dragon, and an anime I had always seen advertisements for but never actually watched, Lily C.A.T.

For some reason, it didn't look as interesting as Clash of the Bionoids (AKA Macross: Do You Remember Love?), Ninja Scroll, or AKIRA.  So I skipped it, until a few days ago.  I gave it a chance and I understand why I might have avoided it for so long.

Lily C.A.T. is the story of a bunch of astronauts aboard the deep space vessel Saldes on the way to planet LA-003 on orders from the Syncam Company.  Luckily, the daughter of the president, the very blonde Nancy, is on the trip with her cat Lily.  A motley crew of redshirts are also on hand to do their jobs for the company, but they are in cryo-sleep for most of the trip.  Over the 20 years in cryo-sleep, an incident takes place and allows an extraterrestrial pathogen into the ship's air supply.  When the crew wakes up...uh, this is usually where I say "hijinks ensue", but I can't bring myself to do so in a positive way...because this anime sucks in a bad way.

Lily C.A.T.: the story of a girl and her pussy...OR IS IT?

This anime has all the elements of an homage to Ridley Scott's ALIEN and the ALIEN franchise, as well as to John Carpenter's The Thing.  The problem is that it's NOT an homage of those films, just a ripoff.  From the duct taped weapons to the almost rotoscoped hallways of the Saldes, Lily C.A.T. is not worthy of being called a homage.  It does, however, create a suspenseful atmosphere and present some of the most screwed up images anime had yet to present to an audience.  Yoshitaka Amano (of Final Fantasy fame) was responsible for character designs (evident in the female costumes and character hairstyles) and monster design.  If only the entire anime was based on his style of art, then this would be a better anime not only for the art in general, but for the sheer fucked-upness of the monster design.

WAT

The alien monster in Lily C.A.T. is a consummate hunter, waltzing up on its prey and absorbing it into its form.  It does not have much to do except have its kills be cut away from.  If it was actually allowed to kill the humans onboard the Saldes, then it would be wholly like the ALIEN franchise.  There's another element to this anime that put me on edge: if the alien's not killing everyone, who else is killing the crew?  While the anime makes a big hullabaloo about stowaways called "time-jumpers" -- criminals who fake credentials to stow away on long-haul space trips to escape the statute of limitations on their crimes -- and who they are, the real mystery is in who is trying to kill the crew.  Other than the alien, of course.  If you wish to find out, I'm sorry to suggest that you'll have to watch Lily C.A.T. for yourself.

RATING: 5/10

A CONUNDRUM: HOW TO RELAX

This is my first post in 2013, and it's a doozy.  I couldn't sleep tonight because I find myself in a interesting conundrum: the idea of relaxation, how to relax, and stress.

How does one relax? I've found it odd that I have never been able to relax around others. My problem stems from the perception of relaxation.

When I was a child, I had a lot of pressure on me to succeed and I wanted to relax.  I could only do it when I was alone.  If I was seen doing what I thought was relaxing (i.e., sleeping, reading, playing video games, etc.), I was called "lazy" and that I should go relax outside. Going outside meant that I had to go do stuff--stuff that I already hate to do over the course of a busy week.
When I was with others and I was supposed to relax, I had to do all this stuff I was supposed to already know from...somewhere...and that was supposed to be relaxing.  If I could not do that, there would be a problem: questions why, peer pressure to conform, etc.  Oddly enough the solution to the first problem (answers to questions why) can elicit a negative response.  Now a new problem comes up: how to relax outside of other people  ('cuz you're not gonna stick around people you can't talk to).  The easy answer is to be alone, but how should one relax when alone?  Another easy answer; whatever you feel like.  This leads to the interesting conundrum at the start of this post and how it relates to the contemporary ideal form of relaxation.

If you find yourself in a group of people and begin to make small talk, the question comes up, "So, what do you do to relax?" or some permutation. To tell people what you do to relax supposedly says a lot about a person--and that's not a fair assessment.
Our world spends a ridiculous amount of money and time on crafting the ideal form of relaxation, from concerts (be they loud, bass-filled Spring Breaks or quiet opera nights) to vacations (preferably to picturesque lands or designed and designated travel destinations), even down to the desired physical effects of the trip (tan lines, souvenirs, photos, etc.).  Yet no one ever asks what people want to do to relax.  There are offers on what to do on the trip, and more often that not they're telling folks what to do and how to do it.  For argument's sake, let's say these instructions are for the safety of the vacationer.  Now comes the hard part: when you want to relax, you have a great deal of societal norms to follow, even in situations where the behavior is frowned upon (i.e., doing drugs).

So back to the idea of what people think about you when you answer the questions on how you relax.  Imagine someone making all kinds of assumptions and extrapolations based on the idea that you went to Paris on vacation this year.  They could assume the following in a positive light, by virtue of your destination:

• you speak French
• you have money to travel across the Atlantic
• you have connections in Europe
• you are important

Oddly enough, some would say the same of drug kingpins, computer hackers, and Moroccan terrorists. These assumptions listed by bullets above are but a few that make many people who take vacations in the BO-RING lower 48 to think they must somehow get to these artificially elevated places. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

I want everyone who reads this to evaluate how you relax and why you relax the way you do. Is it because you want to relax this way or because someone told you this is the way you are to relax or should relax? Have your ideas on relaxation been shaped by outside influences (TV, internet, etc.) or are they internally formulated?  It's a bit deep to think about relaxation, and you wanna say to what you're reading now, "Dude, just chill out and relax" but get this: I have heard the word "relax" so much in my life without support on what people who tell me that want to see or hear or know in reference to that word, that every time I hear it I tense up and I CANNOT RELAX.

It's so weird, but it happens every time. Same thing happens when people ask me to "loosen up" or "be more flexible".  Usually when I am asked this from people I know or have met, I find this precedes a change in attitude: one minute it's "loosen up" and the next it's "get serious".  I know there's a time and place for all these things, but sometimes things just ain't funny. And sometimes they're hilarious.  I'm not some sort of sociopath, but I swear this kind of activity is driving me insane--and you'd go insane too if someone was playing yo-yo with their scale of seriousness every other week.  So I lock up and cannot relax.  In my experiences, there's just too much expectations on what is and isn't relaxing or relaxation.

I need to find a way to relax with people, or I'm going to be locking a lot of doors behind me.  Does anyone have any suggestions that does not involve illicit or illegal drugs?  I'd like to hear from you; please reply in the comment box below.

TL;DR: How can one relax around people without being self-conscious and getting fucked up first?

Movie Review: Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012)

(Note: This movie is part of the Dungeons & Dragons Movie Series. For more movies, see the entries for the 2000 movie and its 2005 sequel).

I had no idea this was in the works, so I was pleasantly surprised when SyFy decided to premiere the movie on its channel.  It cased a buzz in my gaming circle, and I also wanted to watch it as well.  I eventually got to watch it, and it was worth my time, unlike some D&D movies.  The best part of this surprise was the subject matter of the movie: the Book of Vile Darkness.

To be fair, the movie is not about the singular artifact called the book of vile darkness--a tome suffused with so much evil from its human-skin book cover to the foul contents penned in blood that it makes whomever reads it turn evil--but about the quest to stop it from being recreated by a dark cult bent on having darkness rule the lands once again.  This monumental task is taken up by one paladin of Pelor named Grayson Azrael (Jack Derges).

When his paladin order, the Knights of the New Sun, is nearly wiped out save for himself and his captured father, Grayson must go undercover and join a group of evil adventurers:

• Akordia (Eleanor Gecks), a female shadar-kai witch
• Vimak (Habib Nasib Nader), a male goliath barbarian
• Seith (Lex Daniel), a male human assassin
• Bezz (Barry Aird), a male human vermin lord

THE PARTY ASSEMBLED (from l-r):
Vimak the barbarian, Seith the assassin,
Bezz the vermin lord, Akordia the witch,
and Sir Grayson the paladin. That is not a typo.

Sir Grayson braves the depths of depravity while holding up his morality, sleeping with an evil spellcaster (that means Akordia; he's doesn't go boning dudes to save the world), even slaying a red dragon in the process to get closer to the...I'm not sure if I can really say this..."mind flayer" Shathrax.  This strange creature is responsible for trying to recreate the book AND for capturing Grayson's father.  Grayson will travel very far to reach his goal, from his home kingdom all the way to the Elemental Plane of Air--or was it the Plane of Shadow?  I couldn't be sure, but wherever they were there wasn't a lot of ground to work with.  At the end of it all, this movie was a lot better than its predecessors despite being based on the rules for the 4th edition D&D.  I was riveted to my seat for a great deal of the movie, mainly because of the attention to detail about the technical game stuff.

(actual product, written for D&D 3.0 rules)

They got most of the races and monsters right--the fire archon, red dragon, and especially the slaymate (an undead creature from Libris Mortis).  I almost crawled over the back of my chair when I saw it in action.  The mind flayer was no mind flayer at all, but some guy with his mouth sewn shut.  The magic items used were pretty on the nose, like the javelin of lightning, and the collars of obedience combined with the belt of the emperor that Shathrax wore.  Vorpal blades, necklace of fireballs, bag of holding; you name it, it was in there.  The film even had a fun time with the spells, namely invisibility.  And I was amazed.

It can be said that anything worth doing takes time, practice, and a whole lot of stress.  In the case of Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness, the 7 years between live-action projects was worth it.  I recommend this movie, not because it's all that good but because someone had the balls to make another one even after the first two films were critically panned in the theaters and the direct-to-video market.  I hope someone is as care-free to produce and direct the next D&D film, because I will watch it.  And I hope you will too.

RATING: 8/10

Movie Review - Ju Dou (1990)

My parents had cable off-and-on in my household.  At one point, the cable became too expensive, and we stopped.  We picked it up again after a while, and stopped again when the cable became too much. Now, with digital cable forcing everyone to pay for stuff they used to get for free, we have cable again.  With the glut of crap on specially generalized cable television (Toddlers & Tiaras, Crocosaurus, all the no-talent shows, occult-themed shows, police procedural shows, etc.), it will never be like it was.  

Back then, we didn't have to worry about having to subscribe to a specific channel to get out foreign movies: we simply were surprised.  It was like this in my high school years when I watched the movie that started my love for Asian cinema: Ju Dou.

Ju Dou was like nothing I had seen before in American film: the new land, the strange people and culture (granted, the only time I had dealt with Asian people and culture was either at a restaurant or a kung-fu movie), the language, and the colors. OH GOD THE COLORS.  The colors weren't part of some forced hallucination or a drug-related trip on my part.  It was simply the way that director Yimou Zhang was able to not only give the set designer and cinematographer the instructions to make the movie visually appealing, but the tension between the characters was believable and tangible.  It would set the rule for me in the future that whenever I watch an Asian film, check if Li Gong is in it first.

"Dear Penthouse Forum..."

The movie is set in early 20th Century China, when the life of Ju Dou (played by Li Gong) is disrupted by her marriage to Old Yang (actor Wei Li) who runs a dye mill.  He paid a handsome sum for such a beautiful bride, so she had better produce him an heir--which she cannot because the old man is sterile.  He treats her horribly in response (an understatement, to say the least) and has no idea that someone has else has had their eye on her, but can't act on it.

Tianqing (Baotian Li) is Old Yang's younger relative, who lives and works at the mill as Yang's ward.  He is also mistreated to a degree.  He takes pity on the woman who is now legally his aunt.  At first, their relationship is deeply appalling... but you come to understand that their common ground is their hatred of Old Yang.  He is wholly deserving of this hatred, which Ju Dou and Tianqing transform into lust and love.  Nature takes its course under the influence of human intervention, and the story seems as if it will develop into an ending scenario that will be considered acceptable.  That's when the film becomes an experience in truly deep heartbreak.  The dynamic changes so hard and fast, you can only stay riveted to your seat to see how it all turns out.

OH GOD THE COLORS, MAN

And so it went, my first foreign film viewing.  

This led to me watching not only foreign films with Li Gong in it (Curse of the Golden Flower, Raise the Red Lantern), but also other foreign fare (Luc Besson's ANGEL-A, Bernardo Bertolucci's The Last Emperor [yes, it counts], Karan Johar's Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Juzo Itami's Tampopo), not to mention domestic productions with Asian themes (Memoirs of a Geisha, Snow Falling on Cedars).  I can say without any confusion that this is one of the best movies I have ever seen.  This is mostly due to my eyes being opened--not to the flare of an action movie's explosion, the shine of a silver sci-fi rocket or to the horrors of a slasher film--but to the greater expanse of world film and filmmakers outside of America and kung-fu movies.  To you and all those like you, director Zhang, I thank you.

The Tale of Aild Sky - a Product of 24-Hour Comic Book Day!

I've posted my resulting work from 24-Hour Comic Book Day on my Wordpress site, so here goes:
http://sgwatson.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/the-tale-of-aild-sky-a-product-of-24-hour-comic-book-day/

Enjoy!,
-swatson

Movie Review: Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

I don't get to watch a lot of movies in the theaters (mainly because that sh*t is expensive, but you know that already), and when I do, I watch superhero movies with my friend Will and Dacarllo.  When I'm not with them, I use the Internet.  Now, I'm not out there torrenting like the rest of y'all.  I use other forms to get my movies--all of them legal.  Which brings me to my movie review subject: Tokyo Gore Police.

I watched it and I can truly say this movie lives up to its title, as all movies should.  The film (used loosely) is set in a futuristic Tokyo, some time after the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department and the Japanese Self-Defense Forces have been privatized and merged into the former.  Apparently, all Japan is now Tokyo...or not, I am unsure.  Also new to the mix are "Engineers"--a new type of life-form that causes mayhem in the streets and turns ordinary criminals into super-powered villains.
Enter Ruka (played by Eihi Shina of Audition fame), an expert "Engineer Hunter" with the Tokyo Metro Police, who hunts using only a samurai sword.  True to Japanese fantasy tropes, she weighs 90 pounds soaking wet and no family lineage is tied to the weapon to explain its unnatural ability to remain undamaged throughout the film as she fights hulking monsters.  She does her best and is celebrated in the ranks of the police department...but off-duty, she is a sad young woman who laments the loss of her policeman father years ago and makes cuts on her left arm for catharsis.  Only with the arrival of a particular Engineer monster does the story begin to evolve from a simple hack-and-slash videogame parody into something resembling a murder mystery.

- ATOMIC BOMB REFERENCE LOL -

There are a lot of counter-culture elements, sexual elements, dark humor (i.e., cutesy wrist-cutting devices that "make the blood sweeter"), and alternative lifestyle choices on display, which pale in comparison to the main event the movie puts forth.  When a person talks about themselves as an expert and says that "[Insert field of expertise here] is my middle name", they want you to believe that they were born with an intense knowledge of the field.  The same holds true for Tokyo Gore Police.  GORE is its middle name.

There were a lot of moments when I had to stop watching--not because I was gonna throw up, but...  Y'know what?  I'm lying.  Lying, and lying so hard.  I was gonna throw up so many times while watching, because I had just eaten dinner and there was so much gore for the sake of it.  Characters who could have just hit their opponents in the head with a bottle and stopped there, chose to jam the broken bottle into their opponent's face and use it to cookie-cut the flesh and bone from his skull.  What does that do? He dead!

The worst part of the movie for me was when I was watching it, I began to get used to the simulated carnage--the watery blood, the churned-up whatever they were using to simulate destroyed flesh, the ever-increasing attempts at body horror, etc.  Each special effect kept taking me out of the story.  At the end of it all, I was more concerned with the story than the poor tries to keep my attention with special effects.

Normally, I give Japanese films a pass when their story surpasses their special effects (STACY, Mechanical Violator HAKAIDER), but this movie is on its way to becoming the next Death Trance.  What's Death Trance, you ask?  Exactly--you probably don't know.  That's how bad it sucked.  I truly wish more time was spent developing the characterizations of Ruka and the bar owner--ESPECIALLY the bar owner.  Instead, we have a fine revenge story and a great fantasy world that is undercut by its own special effects.  For shame, Japan. For shame.

24 Hour Comic Book Day - I'm Participating!

Hey everyone,

I'm participating in 24-Hour Comic Book Day at Tate's Comics in Oakland Park, FL.  I am #16, so wish me luck!

More information:
http://www.24hourcomicsday.com/